Life is kinda a mess

Life has gotten to the point where if my life isn’t extraordinary I don’t want to live it. When I was still delusion I had been convinced that me and this really famous model named Bella hadid were meant to be together. I spent like three years thinking that and I was in love like we were actually together. I thought that I was talking to her everyday through telepathy. Also I thought I was going to be a billionaire and that I was also going to be very famous. I lived my life thinking this was true and now coming back to reality and living in it are hard. I’m trying to bridge the gap between what I thought I had and what I actually have by chasing money and things like that. I was going to save up to buy an instagram account that has 1M followers.

Even before I was sz I really wanted to be rich. I’m 19 now and ever since I remembered I had dreams of driving Mercedes and owning nice watches. There’s a chance that no matter how hard I work I still won’t make it regardless of the effort I put in and that’s what I’m afraid will happen so I don’t try to chase my dreams. I’ve been attending job interviews and trying as hard as I can to get my money up but the process is so long with such an uncertain outcome that I’m not even sure if it’s worth it.

I’m starting to think that you don’t choose this life, it chooses you. I go throughout my day wishing that I was rich, famous, and with Bella. And part of me feels so deeply that I deserve it that I get angry because I don’t have it. I’m thinking about just living the rest of my life on public housing and just taking it easy and taking the easy route


What makes life extraordinary?
What makes it special?

Making tons of money required hard work, being famous required hard work.

When life is worth living, you go to bed thinking “I’ve done my best, and it’s good enough”

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I would hate to be famous. People like that get put under a magnifying glass for everything they do.

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About the very last part you said… it’s not that simple, people find life worth living for various reasons… everyone has a different opinion of a life worth living and going to bed thinking “I’ve done my best, and it was good enough” doesn’t satisfy all

You’re still young enough to feel like you’re in a rush to achieve great things.
When you get to the other side of 25 your brain will start to calm down and you’ll feel less desperate.

Try not to measute life in could haves, should haves.
Work on being happy with what you’ve got and just doing your best to achieve reasonable goals.

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I’m glad that my brain will calm down.

I remember in 6th grade I wanted to grow up to be rich and famous

and all thru high school, I was only in love with Mike

and even after graduating college I wanted to land that dream job

never got the guy, and never got the job

I was so mad when a friend told me, It’s just enough to do anything

I guess it has become more true.

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Keep making those beats man!! U should check out some of my new raps. They’re getting doper. How’s the beat making going.

It’s going good man. I don’t like it as much as I use to though.

Oh! Bruh, how do you smoke weed with sz? It’s a habit I’d love to come back to lmao. When I smoke weed I start hallucinating auditorily and I get this super intense feeling in my head.

wish I could.

Phil gets so nice and mellow, I’d be happy to.

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@Samuelmcc, At YOUR age, if you start working most any job, starting at the bottom, and invest just $50 a month every month for the rest of your life til age 65, you would have more than enough to retire on. You would never be able to dip into this money though until retirement.

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