Schizophrenia.com

Life change rant

For the last ten years I struggled so hard to hold down a job as a creative director. Between delusions and psychotic episodes my pDoc helped me keep going for ten years til I couldn’t anymore.It all ended last year and I am trying to live with my Sz. This last year I have gained so much insight on my Sz but I don’t know where and what to do with my life. My work was such a big part of my identity and I feel so lost. I just spent the last 5 hours deleting my work off my computer. It made me real sad and confused. Like who am I. Not sure.

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I can empathize with you. For a number of years I was held together with duct tape and bubble gum, and then it finally gave way. My illness came rushing back like a tsunami and incapacitated me. My career? Gone. My self-image? Gone. My identity and sense of worth? Yep, also gone. I am now floating aimlessly through life, hurtling towards death with no plan or exit strategy. Just another faceless creature that is barely known by anyone, impacting even fewer.

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I also lost my sense of self when I could not return to my job. I didn’t realize How Deeply my identity was associated with my career until it was over.

It’s taken me years, but I think I’m finally past it.

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Can you try some new hobbies? It might give you a sense of self and purpose.