Hi! I’m new here. I’ve been browsing this forum for about a month because I realized that I kind of need to “destigmatize” myself about my Schizoaffective Disorder and I think talking to other people going through some of the same stuff would be helpful.
Other than that my first forum post here is asking about some relationship stuff. I’m not sure if anyone else here is LGBT but I’ve noticed that during the past month I’ve started pining for a girlfriend. I know wanting a romantic partner is normal but I think this might have to do with my mental illness because it seems like I am starting to only find transwomen attractive and my brain has “invented” a girlfriend for me to the point where I am kind of depending on her for emotional support.
Now I’m high functioning enough to be aware that she’s not real but my brain has come up with really specific things about her like exactly what she looks like, video games she likes, her job, her car, and my brain is starting to formulate other things about her. My brain has even made up scenarios where we text each other, interact with each other online, or go out and do things in specific detail as well. The thoughts can frequently get sexual as well which is also why I think my SzA might have something to do with this.
She doesn’t tell me to do things but my brain sometimes makes it seem like she asks me if I’m okay and imagining her hugging me when I feel bad. Like I’m starting to try and talk to her back and pretend that I’m reasoning with someone I know isn’t realish when I feel bad.
I’ve been going to a support group for trans people (as an ally) so I’m wondering if that’s why I’m suddenly thinking so hard about having a trans girlfriend. I hope this isn’t me fetishing them or anything either; I just feel like trans people and mentally ill people kind of face some of the same oppressions which is why I started going there.
I’m sorry this post has been so long but I’m wondering if I should do something about her and try to stop myself from possibly leaning on someone who isn’t real for emotional support. I do have a counselor and I don’t currently take any medication.
We all idealise from time to time. I think you need to move away from this construct as it will only get in the way if you meet someone, and you don’t want that to happen.
Having such a specific construct in your mind of the perfect partner won’t help, as people are not perfect - far from it.
Do you think this is based on someone from your support group? Is there any connection to a real person?
I used to do something similar. I have recently tried dating online, and that really puts things into perspective. It’s hard enough to find a partner, let alone one so specific.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find certain things in a person, but being too prescriptive may not be helpful.
Okay then. Now that I think about it she might be based on a few people I know but not one specific person. She seems to have traits from a few people I’ve interacted with or seen.
Online dating kind of makes me nervous, and I’ve been thinking about her for so long that I don’t know if I can fully get her out of my mind but she’s been tapering off a bit since last night.
This is a pretty common issue for a lot of folks, actually. If it’s getting in the way of you enjoying your real, actual life, then seeing a therapist about it can help. It’s normal to feel lonely, and to want some support. It’s normal to develop a coping mechanism to deal with the feelings of loneliness. It’s just not always healthy.
Being fetishized is a problem for trans people, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing here. You’ve imagined one specific person, who meets your needs, and she happens to be trans. There’s a difference between being attracted to someone and fetishizing a whole category of people. You’re not out there searching for exclusively trans girls to date. You’re learning about a new concept, and realizing it’s something you like. You’re not reducing every trans girl you meet to the idea of being a woman with a penis. It’s a blurry line, sometimes, but it doesn’t seem like you’re doing anything bad. Just keep remembering that every person is a unique individual with their own interests and goals, and that their physical anatomy is not any of your business unless they want to share.
Btw I’m queer also. Lots of us are. Feel free to talk about it here.
Definitely unhealthy.
Ever heard of, or watched the movie “Lars and the real girl” ? It’s about a reclusive guy who develops feelings for a doll. With support from family and friends he gradually reconnects with society and eventually is able to break free from his attachment to the imaginary girlfriend.
Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea to have too specific and idea about the kind of person you want to be with. In my experience, love is something that isn’t to be sought out, but comes when you least expect it, and rarely in the way you might imagine. I truly hope you find that special someone. But that someone has to be a real person, not something you create in your mind. It’s ok to lean on friends and family if you need support, but I don’t think it’s healthy to get that from an imaginary person. I could be wrong, maybe it’s ok if it helps you, but don’t limit yourself to finding real love in the real world. All the best to you.
I’ve been having some moments of distress thinking about what I’d do if someone hurt her for being trans or me for dating her and I feel like this might be effecting who I’m attracted to despite her not being real.
I was concerned when my thoughts about her started getting sexual that l was fetishing I’m glad that’s not the case. I’d like to talk to my therapist about it but I’m not sure if they’re knowledgable about trans people.
Thank you but I don’t use the queer label to ID myself. I wasn’t really sure because I didn’t see a lot of LGBT topics on here.
I’ve never watched that movie but I think I’ve heard of it or seen some parts of it.
Thanks. I don’t have supportive friends or family members I think outside of my therapist and some online people you’re all the only people who know I specifically have SzA One of my family members knows I’m mentally ill but doesn’t know it’s SzA and they treat me badly so I don’t plan on telling them. I think that’s part of the reason why my brain made her up along with a new job + school. I think I’m going too fast anyways I feel like I need to sort myself out before getting into a relationship because I might just push might issues on her.
It’s part of the reason; I feel that a lot of the people who oppress trans people tend to also oppress mentally ill people for really similar reasons. And I thought some of the things trans people experience are kind of similar to some SzA symptoms I have but after thinking about it for a bit that might not be the case. I also want to be a better ally to trans people so I go for that reason too. I don’t think I could bring this up in the trans support group without worrying them into thinking I might murder them or something though . Especially since being trans is wrongly considered a mental illness I think some of them might not think nice things about mentally ill people or not want to associate with a mentally ill person.
There’s a part in it where a couple of characters are going to support groups but don’t have the issue. Like a group for cancer and they don’t have cancer. It’s a must see
Sounds interesting, that movie doesn’t have a ton of violence or anything in it right? Like people getting punched into oblivion or such as I think that might of been why I haven’t seen it yet.
Welcome to the forum!!! I have a friend who fantasizes about a partner in the same way and she’s not sz. Just don’t let your idealization of the perfect partner ruin your chances at true love. Remember, no one is actually perfect.
One of my family members knows I’m mentally ill but doesn’t know it’s SzA and they treat me badly so I don’t plan on telling them. I think that’s part of the reason why my brain made her up along with a new job + school. I think I’m going too fast anyways I feel like I need to sort myself out before getting into a relationship because I might just push might issues on her.
. Especially since being trans is wrongly considered a mental illness I think some of them might not think nice things about mentally ill people or not want to associate with a mentally ill person.
