Letting go of the past and the future I wanted

Okay so I am at this time told it would be unfavorable for me to get pregnant because my mood stabilizer would harm it and it would be very dangerous for me to get off of it for obvious reasons since any time I am off my mood stabilizer I end up in the behavior health unit for suicidal ideation and depression and it makes me sad that I will probably never have children again and children that I raise is something that I have wanted for a very long time (at age 5 I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up and I would say a mommy) so this is hard for me to get over and let go of.

The past me always wanted to work become a mother and have a ā€œnormal lifeā€ and I have come to the realization that I will never be able to work again and it really upsets me so very much and I also have come the the realization that I am not the person I use to be and in the end itā€™s like a part of me died or a best friend or something and Iā€™ve been mourning that ā€œdeathā€ of the person I use to be for a while now and I am finally accepting it.

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Never give up hope Twialine. You are still young and women are having babies much later in life nowadays. Who knows what the future holds for us all as far as changes in mental health are concerned.

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My condolences. I see it like thisā€¦ the number of people in my life has decreased as I aged. It will continue to decrease and itā€™s questionable what I am even doing why I just keep living and being content. Itā€™s the amisulpride I suppose.

@Sarah Iā€™d rather not get my hopes up and it never happen and feel heartbroken over and over again and maybe even regret what Iā€™ve done in my life later on because I held onto a dream that never happened. Iā€™ve tried to go off my mood stabilizer before and it wasnā€™t good.

@Halozination Iā€™m gonna try and be happy with what I have and stop mourning what I lossā€¦ Easier said than done

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I had to go through this as well. I am very happy with how things turned out. I think if I had gotten pregnant and had a baby (which i now realize was not even physically possible) I would have had a VERY hard time with the baby years. I may have been a terrible parent. With teenagers and young adults, it is much easier because I can getthe sleep i need to stay stable.

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Which mood stabilizer are you on @Twialine?
Depakote has been a lifesaver for me.

I had to mourn the loss of my old self. But actually, even though I have a lot of struggles, Iā€™m the happiest Iā€™ve ever been. Hang in there and donā€™t give up

What about the child youā€™ve already had?

You can build a relationship with your daughter.

Itā€™ll take effort,

But thatā€™s what I focus on and feel very fulfilled.

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I thought you already experienced having a child. If I went through all of the problems you did, I wouldnā€™t want to try again.

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@Ninjastar yeah the baby years is rough from what I hear

@Wave same one as you actually lol

@LilyoftheValley I really hope I can be the happiest Iā€™ve been in a long time

@Charles_Foster @anon4362788 I was banned from seeing her until she turns 18. Thatā€™s all Iā€™m gonna say on the subject of the daughter I gave birth to

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Ice cold.

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Iā€™m sorry for the loss of your expectations in life. I am also mourning the apparent loss of any hope of a romantic life myself as I feel old and weak and am running out of options. I struggle with finding a meaning to my life beyond my increasingly boring hobbies. Society expects people to not be alone but itā€™s difficult to be with other people with the realities of this disease and when I am in public my nerves make me want to retreat to my room just like they always have. I also have ED which in my position cannot be corrected. (the moneyā€™s not there.) So I am looking for another way to define myself since I canā€™t really have a sexuality.

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