Is being a victim real or not? Is it a state of mind. In the old days people used to say “don’t call me a victim”. Now things are different. What’s changed?
I was truly a victim as a child. I was abused, molested and neglected. And then the demons showed up on top of it and I was a victim of self-abuse as well. And then I married someone who abused me. I was very much a victim. But once realizing that there was a way to stop the abuse I started to become a survivor.
I divorced my abusive husband and stood up for myself and my son. So I was no longer his victim.
My companion angel continued to get me to hurt myself. I’m improving on not listening to him and not hating myself. It’s oddly the hardest abuse to overcome, but I’m working on it. So I consider myself a survivor now, no longer a victim.
I totally support you. I think that trauma is a horrible thing.
But whether that makes you a victim in your mind is something different.
Let’s get this discussion going…
I think it’s important to comprehend being a victim, to understand and acknowledge that you are being victimized or have been. That brings you to a place of choice. Is it ok that you were victimized? Is it ok that you are currently being victimized? Hopefully the answer is that it’s not ok. From that point you can get help and remove yourself and heal from that place.
Once you decide that being a victim is not ok with you (it took me a really long time) then you can work on being a survivor and start to recover.
I think that you’re saying that thinking as a victim only promotes the reasons to stay a victim?
If you dwell on the identity of being a victim, and I think I would qualify to stay in that place if I chose to, then you continue to victimize yourself by keeping that identity. It’s a place of pain and submission. I chose to not stay in that place/mindset because it hurts.
Thinking of myself rather as a survivor makes me feel strong. I am strong.
I too think of myself as more of a survivor now. I was always a victim most of my life but now I try not to get involved with those that might victimize me. I really tend for the most part to stay away from people i don’t know. That way they can’t hurt me.
I’m like @Hedgehog. When I was a child, I was a victim of my father. I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually throughout my childhood by my father. Then I married a man who also sexually, emotionally and physically abused me for almost ten years. Then, I became emotionally ill and I abused myself psychically for many, many years. I was truly a victim of people and circumstance. But, now, I have taken over my own life and instituted coping skills of my own to transform my life into something meaningful and happy. And I am no longer anyone’s victim.
Being a victim doesn’t make someone weak it’s not always an avoidable thing especially if you’re vulnerable like a child or disabled or a variety of other circumstances. I think it’s not a frame of mind nobody chooses to be a victim. Nobody chooses to be weak and powerless and abused.
Actually I’m gonna edit my statement. Victims aren’t weak at all they went through something bad or traumatic. It’s hard to even get up in those kinds of situations. We need to destroy the thought that victims are weak.
I think you can be a victim of circumstance (eg a child who is abused by caregivers) AND/OR have the psychology/mentality of a victim. People can behave like victims long after they are removed from a situation.
Someone very close to me claims to be a victim. She has had four boyfriends and has said that three molested her and the fourth (who was a long-distance relationship and therefore couldn’t molest her) traumatized her. She says she can no longer sit next to guys in school and expects special treatment because she’s a victim. I know it sounds really bad, but I don’t believe her. I don’t know what to say to her when she brings this up.
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