Ive learned that sometimes when you break the heart of someone you love too many times and not see and appreciate them enough at the time, you can never go back. By the time you realise how good they were, its too late.
This is one of the most cruellest things life has given me.
Therefore its time to learn another lesson , we are never perfect. That doesn’t mean we need to stop learning and keep regretting the whole life. In my opinion.
I got told: don’t lose your mum
don’t lose the football
don’t lose your house
So these things I prioritise.
She was 
Yes she is, but not we, so the best thing is to get better gain more experience getting more Girl friends. You will change, so do we who are considered not perfect.
Im so sorry @Mountain its not good at all i hope you find someone special soon
Thanks @Ducky, I don’t know if im ready to go for another relationship again tbh. I think i need to be alone for a bit. She knows nothing about the psychosis or schizophrenia i have now. I threw away a pure, good woman that is very hard to come by.
Yeah being single for a while will maybe help you be more prepared for the next beautiful woman to come into your life.
On a second note, how are you feeling? Any med changes? Are you still same as me and emotionally flat
I dont mean to sound blunt im just very fragile currently sorry
No not blunt at all, no worries.
No med changes, I think I feel a bit emotionally flat but I am definitley feeling sorrow currently over what transpired when i reached out to her. I cried a teeny bit too.
Story of my life lol
I think i used up all my chances
Maybe tell her your ex to put some closure to it that you developed mental illness. It sounds like its left you a bit heartbroken and traumatised. Take good care and you can get over this you just need to concentrate on seeing friends and family and getting well, feeling better
I dunno if that would be wise, I’d like to tell her but I don’t want it to seem that I am vying for her sympathy to get her back.
I think i achieved closure already. The last thing i said was sorry for causing her pain and confusion in the past, and she just said “no problem, all good”. Don’t think i can say anything further.
Thats good then sigh life aint easy sometimes
We create ideals of people that they can’t live up to. Don’t fall in love with an idea. Humans are messy.
Wise words man. I guess there is some part of me that looks back with slightly rose tinted glasses. In terms of her, I reminisce now on moments in our relationship where she embodied what I valued, like being loving, generosity, sincerity. its backed up by real moments. I have trouble remembering anything bad about her because she was a really kind person to begin with.