I didn’t even realize I had been kicked out of church/asked to leave and not come back more than once before yesterday at therapy.
She asked me if I thought it had impacted my struggle with religious delusions,
I didn’t even know what to say.
How could it not?
Maybe…
The first time I was just 16.
The youth minister at a non-denominational church I was attending confronted me about smelling like pot. I told him I smoked and apologized for the smell. He asked me to leave and come back when I got my life together.
I mean that’s the real short story. The real one took place over a couple hours and had lots more f words, but no one’s going to read that.
The second time I was 22 and had been teaching Sunday school and being a camp councilor for years with the same organization. During camp one of my more spirited girls got caught giving a fellow camper a blowjob in the dorms. They were both 16, plus its camp, right? I told her it was inappropriate, but didn’t make it a big deal. Leadership found out and were furious. They told me until my lifestyle was above reproach (like anyone’s is) I couldn’t be involved in teaching children anymore.
Could those two events pushed me right over the edge?
Seems likely…
Has your therapist helped you connect something like this before?
Everybody with schizophrenia struggles with occult/religious issues. I’m an atheist and I do too. Just my opinion that these events you mentioned are coincidental and not causal.
I think they could be connected. In my experience people who are religious tend to be rather judgmental and having two experiences with this yourself could color your view of God to sway you to see him more as an almighty judge for example than a forgiving source of love. Of course we don’t know what your delusions were like but they could be related.
