Laugh at me, i am a zombie since too long ago

ok, maybe the meds will put years for me to act. I spent years with this illness. there was the weed too… I think I am dumb right now, really… my mom loves me like this but even my ill friends aren’t so dumb right now… my ex told it to me. he didn’t want to insult me but I was to a point to cant talk, cant think, I wasn’t eating and I was getting personnaly the information from the tv…
I am not sure what I need to get better. I am ultra passive right now.
okay, I stopped doing chaotic things but after 3 hours of talking to my poor mom today I saw the absurdity of my state… even my sister called me a zombie once yeah… do you think that meds can help me more with the time? 10 months that I am on them but I am suicidal since my 11(now I am 34 years old)… i am just a bit afraid how the things can change when i am so passive…
its also just that i saw that a lotfs of you here are smiling. you know, i cant smile since years, i have some rictus. i can be vengeant, irritable, angry etc etc

How many milligrams of Depakote are you on @Anna1, because I take 1000mg of Depakote and feel like a Zombie also.

i am on 1000 mg too wave. i was a real zombie before the meds wave. but i wonder if i am still so bad because i was ill since so many time… i tried to decrease the Depakote and my rage gets harder…

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i even dont feel it @Wave. i just know that without it i become angrier. and the Zyprexa too doesn’t put me to sleep for instance. i know from one doc that those who doesn’t feel their meds are worse…
i wanted to say to you also that i take my Depakote -one in the morning, and one-before sleep. not all at once you see…

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Sometimes the sedation and zombieness can reduce over time.

it reduced for me