My caretakers at the group home would do this thing where if I was ranting about being a bad person or a failure, they’d ask “what would you tell your sister if she was the one saying these things?”
I wish I can do that, but I’m already aware that I’m writing to me…I just can’t offer myself any sympathy.
I know that I shouldn’t do this to myself but I don’t know how to be kind to myself because I’ve never been taught.
My relatives would be so ashamed of me when they know that I’ve had a severe mental illness. They will tremble in shame and disgust after I die.
Being disabled physically is already a shame to them.
I’m a disgrace to my clan and to my people, and to the whole world.
May the Heavens quickly decide to get rid of me.
I only defile the Earth with my presence.
It takes a lot of practice. Instead of writing a letter to my alter self, I pretended I was writing to a future foster kid I might adopt who might have gone through similar things. Since that was a very real possibility for me, it felt easier and more realistic. And, as it turned out, I did end up getting kids who were VERY similar to me and that practice paid off when they started asking the tough questions.
That’s a good idea. I’ll try that.
Laetitia, you’re a blessing, a treasure, and a shining star! Please don’t write such negative things about yourself. You are amazing!
It’s a common, but wrong lifeattitude some of us adapt when we set much higher standards to ourself than we do to others. I would think a major contributing factor is if you have had strict parents that tell you things are supposed to be a certain way that they dictate, and when you feel you can’t live up to that which they want you see yourself as a failure.
This has happened to me. I have serious self-hurt and escape from reality issues that I’m trying to work through. I feel that I have improved though. This last years I have had less episodes and a healthier attitude towards life.
I guess it’s harder in the culture where you live because there is less individuality.
But the thing is you don’t have to be a slave to your families or societys expectations. It is possible to be sucsessfull in very many ways and forms without doing what it is you think your family or society want. The question is rather what you want. What makes you happy. How can you be a sucsess on your own terms?
You got to let up and give yourself a break. I mean how many times have you looked at another person and thought I wish they would just die so the world can become a better place. I bet probably no one.
We all have to contribute according to our own abilities, and if your ability is low that is not something to be ashamed of. Everybody on this forum is probably under par when it comes to ability. I know you have extra difficulty with your physical condition, but again nothing to be ashamed of.
If you lived in my city I would probably meet you and have a cup of tea or something, so don’t think everyone will reject you because you don’t have the best ability.
I think all languages have colloquialisms or slang.
He looks like he’s thinking “you talkin to me?”
That’s understandable for sure
@laetitia is it a culture thing that people can’t accept your illness? I’m sorry that your heart is broken. You are not stupid. You’re being too hard on yourself. Maybe you need to see a counselor. You come across as in a lot of emotional pain
@laetitia can you post a link to one of your songs?
He was wanting a snack lol
@Loke I think people don’t really accept mental illness here, but I think that’s changing. Maybe I have a negative attitude due to my trauma, because I haven’t really opened up about my mental illness in Korea. I’m just afraid that I will get rejected- maybe my fear is driven by my PTSD and it does not reflect the actual attitudes of the Korean people.
@Loke here is a recording of a hymn- I deleted it after posting it on here because I thought it would cause delusions.
I don’t open up about my diagnosis either. People can judge harshly, and their ignorance makes them afraid. I like the writing a letter idea. Just because there are people who judge harshly doesn’t mean that their right to be that way. Try to love yourself. Look for positive things about yourself and hang on to them
I sent your song Intertwined to my daughter. It’s soothing to a tormented soul
Are you the one singing? I mean wowsa! What a beautiful voice!!!
Nope, this is by Dodie! Dodie Clark is a British singer!
The original is by Dodie, and I’m just the one covering it (which is on Soundcloud).
Your song on SoundCloud sounds a lot like her. I couldn’t tell y’all apart.
I like this one.
@laetitia you have a gorgeous unique voice! You need to send this track to the radio station.
Actually, that song belongs to @zwolfgang - it’ll be up to him to decide haha