Lacking creativity

So 10years into this journey of sz , I think its killed my creative side, whether its due to the meds or the illness, i dont know.

I used to draw a lot now, i just feel like a block is in the way, so frustrating, any creative people who can offer some advice that would be good.


I think the blockage is caused by your own selfdoubt. Just let it happen, even if you don’t like it, just force yourself to do it, it comes flowing after a while of trying. The thing is to do something about it.


What did you used to draw? Surely there are some unexplored caveats of older content to use as inspiration.

I’ve never been good at drawing, but I think there is a lot of overlap between creative processes in general. All it really takes is one good idea and then you’re off.

I was thinking of writing today, yet to find any inspiration. Alcohol always gets the creativity going for me. I think it’s because I become less critical and more inclined to be entertained. So my mind starts thinking in ways that entertain. That’s a stupid cycle to get into though.

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I started the prequel to my novella…haven’t even finished the first one yet

but this is the first 2 paragraphs

wrote a few more but i have writers block…inspiration comes with time and learning

well here it is

The story begins in the very diverse city of New Florence, New York. New Florence is a nice little town. On the outskirts of the Bronx, rests a nice medium sized city containing everything from friendly police officers to new-age High Schoolers. You can take a trip down North Avenue which starts near the water and continues through more urban, industrial and residential areas. There are all types of people in New Florence. Tall, black, young, old, white, short, skinny, overweight, to even entirely sexy and glamarous. Especially if you take a look down the road to Laramus College, a small private Catholic school resting right on the edge of the suburbs before the more urban area appears. You find beautiful young women of all descents. Italian, Irish and Latin being the most prevalent of the demogaphics considering what the religious background of the institution is. And in those demographics spoken of, and another, you find John James. A young character who was struggling with something. John James would aimlessly walk around campus as an angry, heap of mess with distaste for everything going on. But no one truly knew what was going on inside his head.
It was a day in Late January of 2011 when second semester had commenced at the theological establishment and institution. And everybody was talking. It’s like it was High School all over again, which is what happens when you’re placed with a gossipy bunch of New Yorkers in a smaller environment for a college atmosphere. The girls were saying “Maybe he’s doing drugs” in an old, hush, conservative manner. About John James that is… They almost sounded like a bunch of middle-aged to elderly women at your wealthy country club who had talked about the Mayor sleeping around with a girl their real age, not wanting to be the one responsible for the accusation of John James. No one from Laramus College had truly spoken with John James aside from his “clients” and his one true friend, an African-American student named Christian. Christian was quick and smart, trendy and tough, educated but street-smart. Christian was a cool guy. He was too smart for the weed, and too savvy for the beer. He knew what he was going to do with his life, and there wasn’t any screwing it up; although, he wasn’t afraid to get involved with shadier people like John James himself. Although despite it, he resisted his devious temptations.

and so on


I used to mostly draw things that where around me, along with made up drawings from imagination, its those I miss the most almost like my imagination has vanished, I keep trying everyday my goal is to fill a sketchbook.

I have found that, if I want to create art, I usually do charcoal, what I enjoy the most is visualizing a message I have. My main focus is what will the audience think and perceive when they see my art. Do you have a message? Especially with mental illness, I have a lot of visions, and I have experienced a lot of things that normal people will never experience. Grandiose delusions, superiority, extreme happiness, emptiness etc. This awareness really inspires and fuels me to create. Maybe if you focus on sharing a part of you that nobody knows, might motivate you to create art?

Another approach, is exploring new techniques. There are limitless possibilities, colours and tools. Maybe you could explore a new technique in creating a new art? Two weeks ago I bought a calligraphy set and have been playing with the tips and techniques in the mornings, it makes me happy.

Does creating art make you happy? Get your mind off things? Maybe expressing yourself will make you happy?


Were they figures or environments or shapes?

Most of my delusions involved missions from god, through a variety of things only I could see or here, i did enjoy creating art, I’m mostly frustrated now, my wife says i need to be patient and give time to flow naturally.

Just everday things people objects, just rough sketching rather than detailed drawings, I used watercolours as well, the speed made it come to life for me .


Those were my delusions too. I write about it a lot

This is from my novella I finished all but the editing stages

No one said anything for a while. About twenty minutes passed of strict silence. John James and Jeff Garrison were there just sitting and pondering what had been said when Jeff finally decided to break the silence. “So what’s it like having your illness? I know it varies from person to person and it must not be easy, but I got to ask. How do you experience having a debilitating mental illness like schizo-affective disorder?” John James thought for a second and said that he wasn’t really sure but later started to explain a little bit. After a moment of pausing and silence he said “Well first of all it’s hard to put it into words since I’m not clearly accepting of my illness in the first place, but I’m getting there. Let’s just say….well all I know is….I was a strange kid growing up. I was very quiet and offbeat. I wasn’t really sure why I was alive, or what was going on. In fact I was enlightened growing up. I simply just lived my life with non-sensical business of what was taking place. I was miserable, but I was enlightened, if that makes sense.” “It seems you are thinking a lot about that word ‘enlightened’. The less you think about it, the more enlightened you will become. Do you think you’re a prophet of some sort and meant to deliver the message of enlightenment?”
“I’ve thought that before. I don’t believe it anymore but I still think about becoming enlightened. About how great it would be if I was enlightened. Anything to get rid of the pain and misery that I face every day.”
“So you did think you were Jesus or something?”
“Well that’s what they told me. I thought I was the chosen one. My life was a movie or an experiment or a game. Or I was an alien in a robot society….it’s besides the point. My delusion was always consistent whether it was God or whatever, that my life was the center piece. A narcissistic delusion but I don’t think I’m a narcissistic.”

Well there is no shortage of every day objects. You could just pick one you haven’t drawn before.

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misery breeds creativity, when you feel your shittiest, pick up a pencil and go to town…


I’ve also found that if I surround myself with art and creative people, I’d get more productive. Pinterest or instagram. Maybe you can find inspiration if you do on location sketches? going out to new places instead of objects?

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Maybe draw a picture of the light shining on you and god up in the clouds looking down, meanwhile all the people shunning your speech.

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Definitely turned into a left-brainer myself. All I care about these days is logic, effective speaking, and writing. It could just be a phase, but needless to say I forfeited my artistic creativities to get better at those.

I think when I level up from now on, it’ll be in pursuit of the logicistics of self and behavior. I really don’t need to be a creative person/entertainer. I do better as a tester of sorts or an out-right editor.

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I think medications reduce creativity. When I was really psychotic, I learned a lot of stuff. I feel like I could have invented new stuff or started a company. I was never really artistic but I was pretty creative with math. Always solved math problems differently than other people.

I think the most creative thing I’ve done was come up with a proof that showed that “there are an infinite amount of different ways to prove something that’s provable”. I used logic to do it. It took me about two hours before class. My teacher mentioned it in our logic class, which made me happy. The idea isn’t original (it’s quite basic if you think about it and perhaps stupid) but I couldn’t find a similar proof online. It was quite easy but I know I couldn’t do it now. For a real mathematician, maybe it’s a joke. I remember it had to deal with permutations and infinity.

I also derived a physics formula using multivariable calculus and optimization for a statistical mechanics class. The teacher had no idea what I was doing lol. The teacher didn’t understand what I was doing but I ended up getting the same formula.

So I believe there are different ways of being creative.

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