Kind of angry about getting so into my belief system when I was ill

For approx. one year I was delusional without meds …I believed I didn’t have a body. I believed someone I used to love loved me. I believed I was trapped inside a space ship delivering the devil to firelake. I was in there with the devil and had to beg for my salvation. I believed I was given a “spirit” in a laser beam on the DVD that I was trapped in by Jesus.

I was terrified for a whole year believing all the lies my mind told me while I was ill with schizophrenia. and I’m pretty angry about it right now.


It’s good that you can look back and see that it’s all lies. I still struggle with some of it.

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For a long time I still lingered in believing it might still be true, but then I found love and life and happiness in a new med…prolixin. I owe it all to working with my pdoc and getting the med I need. It is so important to not give up. Yes, I don’t believe any of my past delusions anymore but I am so thankful I am over it. I just can’t believe how scared my mind actually had me for so long…so cruel, so evil.


Interesting. I never heard of prolixin before. Yeah I still struggle with what was real and what was untrue. It can be a cruel and vicious disease. Glad you’re doing so well now.


I remember you mentioning prolixin many years back. I’m glad it helped you. Have you tried any other since ? Reflecting is good… you can identify your triggers and seek help when you need to. It’s ok to feel what your feeling … the anger … you’ll let it go when you feel ready.


I think I had Prolixin injections before. I’m happy it worked for you! I can’t be too bitter anymore since my hallucinations finally improved.

I had prolixin injections as well. When I was on prolixin, it was the worst times of my life. I was THIS close to suicide. I looked in the mirror and abseloutly hated myself. Not blaming the med, more the illness. But I’ve had a lot of similar beliefs jukebox. Not exactly the same, but some of the same stuff, and similar stuff, I’m not angry about it anymore. The past is the past!

I’m more angry about the things that caused PTSD than having a schizophrenic/effective illness.

Me and my therapist are working on moving my past bad stuff to a different part of the brain so it doesn’t bother me anymore!

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I don’t know if anybody has heard of “Invega” but that’s what I get and it calms my schizo down for a month. I get a shot every month, cause pills I can’t remember to take, but Invega really helps me. Keeps my mind in the real world and not a fake reality where you are battling demons and hell.

My doc and I really don’t get along. I’m kind of pissed at her really cause she gave me a low dose of Invega and made me go into a breakdown. So yeah, next time I see her it won’t be good cause I’m going to tell her straight up she ■■■■■■ up and this was all avoidable… I mean If you can prevent a breakdown you need to do that

But you want to know how I really feel? I feel my doctor was testing me and seeing if I really had schizoaffective and thought I might of been faking it or not, but she threw me into a breakdown for that and my Nurse really is worried about me though.