Kids fighting makes me depressed

My kids fighting makes me sad and depressed. They can’t be friends at all. They are 4 years apart. I just want to go to bed and lie there for the rest of the day. I can’t control them. They don’t listen to me. It’s like I am not excisting. When I say something they get angry with me. I can’t handle that so I go away. I’m not a good parent. I can’t do anything but watch them fighting. This makes me sad.

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Ages and sexes? Just asking because the advice I might give for a 4-year-old female would be different than that of a 14-year-old male.

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Can you take them to a park to let them work out their frustration on the play gym? Take a book with you so you can hide under a tree or something but still keep an eye on them. I don’t think your a bad parent just stressed out. Maybe time to send them to their grandparents for a holiday. Motherhood isn’t called the hardest job on the planet for nothing. Hang in there.

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Maybe you could look for ways you could control them, like give them an allowance, and if they misbehave you can reduce or cut off their allowances. Offer to take them on trips to fun places, like the fair or the ice cream parlor, but let them know that their access to such places is contingent on their good behavior. Be firm and consistent.

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Boys. 14 and 10. Teeager with suspected bipolar, mood swings from hell.

That’s my problem. I can’t be consistent because I don’t remember what I have said or not. I hate my memory problems.

I wish I could get them to leave the computer. Also it’s pouring outside. It’s been raining almost every day since May. Hard to get them to play outside. They are 10 and 14.

It hurts me when family doesn’t get along… I get really tense and there some physical pain happening.

A lot of stress and emotion is getting thrown around when there is disharmony in the house.

I hope they can at least go to their respective corners and let the energy calm down…

Good luck.

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Put a parental lock on the computer and limit the time they can use it. You can just set it and forget it. I’ve never used it but wouldn’t be too hard to set it up. Since Vista on Microsoft Operating systems they are part of the standard programs.

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Maybe it would help if you kept a record or some kind of log to track this kind of stuff?

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I could try. but I have to remember to make the log entry. I always believe I will remember and then I don’t. I’ll put som effort in that.

you love them…you are a good mother.
kids will fight…like kittens…it is how they learn .
sorry you are feeling sad.
i made you a cup of coffee :coffee: and put it on a rainbow :rainbow: and a hamster :hamster: is your waiter for the day…here comes the piece of cake i made :cake:
take care :alien:

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Thank you darksith.

Maybe I’m expecting too much from me. I don’t have the same energy, memory or quck mind as I used to.

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every mother feels tired…and you have to combat sz aswell.
and every loving mother feels they should do more…or be better than they are.
but the most precious thing you can give children is love :heart:…which you do.
take care :alien:

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Is there another adult in the house?

Are there any sanctions you can exercise?

Are they products of what another adult may have done or not done?

Are you hip to parenting styles and all that?

When our two girls got a deferment after their third bust (at 10 and 12), gramma popped for a year-long residential tx program. Wife (at the time) and I had to go to parenting classes for a =year=. We learned the same simple things over and over again. (Mostly applied Skinnerian and Pavolivian behaviorism.)

The tx center had a standard policy with all parents: They refused to take the kids, fix them, and then send them home after a year to the same somewhat clueless parents. (Hey! No one taught me how to be a parent.)

Anyway, we could have read about four books and gotten it all.

Yes. They have a dad. But he is working.

Our family life is complex. The 14 y old does not live at home during school. He has autism and lives at the school. Comes home every second weekend. He was placed there by social services because of his tantrums and that he beat me up every week because I protected his little brother. He has gotten 400% better. He does not beat anyone up anymore. But he slams doors and shouts.

My 10 y old can’t accept that his older brother has autism and need to do things in special ways to not get anxiety attacks. He prop got ADHD. He has been checked by a pdoc who said he is not ADHD. But I wonder. Also he has hard time to accept that he can’t have what he wants RIGHT NOW. He never got what ever he points at but still keep trying. He has to save his money to buy his stuff, just like his older brother. But he can’t because there is so much he wants. But we keep trying to make him remember the game or what ever he saves for. Maybe some day he will realize money doesn’t grow on trees.

Has the possibility of one or both being pro-dromal occurred to anyone in the mix here? Autistic and hyperactivity symptoms are often seen in the pro-dromal stage. Are either of the boys being seen by your doc (meaning someone who knows the family genetics and epigenetics), as well as the personalities and social interplay? I think it might be useful to look up that alley, if only to pull the plug on issues that actually aren’t there. (I sure do sympathize, though. Lordy; that’s a load.)

Propably. My 14 y old has Abilify and Quetiapin because he hears voices.

Is he seeing the same doc you see? Howabout an MFT who comes from “family systems?” (See http://www.goodtherapy.org/family-systems-therapy.html.) A good one could make a lot of difference.

No he has an own pdoc. We are waiting for first appt at bipolar/psychosis team. I believe they will check us both some how.

In Sweden you have pdoc for adults and pdocs for children. You can’t go to the same pdoc.