I’ve been living it up reclusively, me myself and I. I go out when I need to but other than that it’s me and my big orange cat hanging around the apartment. Been doing a lot of unthinking…like non mentally vocalized thought, just trying to make sense of things. I mean throughout my 20’s I had severe social anxiety and near agoraphobia if this was conveyed in the literal root word sense of a fear of public places and situations rather than it’s modern and incorrect definition of a fear of open spaces. Been reading The Trial by Frans Kafka, or re-reading rather. I feel I should be writing for myself and my own posterity but keep putting it off, want to put it down on the written page rather than this hand me down machine that could be hooked up who knows how. Not that I have much to hide, I don’t.
I just want the community here to know that I actually am feeling rather stable and the brain food is doing it’s job, feel like this would have been my recovery from what I’ve been through if not for what came up on me these past two years. Spoke my mind to my case worker/therapist (therapy don’t work for wrongemboyo) and told him that after my nervous/anxious/fear reaction I have in the vacinity of him which I can’t place but told him is nothing personal but can’t be a good fit. We’ll see where this goes, but it’s a good sign that I was able to stand up for myself, that’s me coming back.