At first it was terrible but I was in a good mental state to handle it. Surprisingly after visiting a few shops and getting a little confidence up the hallucinations became much less offensive and my thought processes a lot less critical. It feels like I’m not hallucinating even though I still am. Like it’s becoming so normal to me. Which sucks but at the same time if it’s not making me self conscious and depressed then it’s not so bad. Still though the delusion it’s real gets to me. It’s just so constant whether I try to ignore it, whatever I try it’s always there. Making it very real to me.
I wish I could see/hear other people’s thoughts. It would distract me from my own problems and give me insight on the diversity of the human experience. It’s impossible I know. People just carry themselves so well. Even I carry myself pretty well. I want to see the shitstorm of personal chaos that I believe exists. From my vantage point I can only speculate.
One thing that bothers me is the homeless folk that are on nearly every corner. Get to close and they ask you for money. Makes you feel like an ■■■■■■■ for trying to avoid/ignore them. The town takes pretty good care of them. They don’t even make an appearance until it’s nice out. Then they’re everywhere.
It’s not very sensitive or kind but it bothers me that these dudes all think they can sit there asking everybody for money. I know it’s nearly impossible for them to get jobs and places to live with the way things are…
Right well now I feel sorry for them.
■■■■■■■ hope I don’t end up on the streets. I really think I would just kill myself. I don’t think I could handle that life. Let alone talking with homeless people.
Right ranting…
I bought a hat though.
Take care people.
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I’m glad your getting some confidence… and you are feeling better.
When I was homeless… You don’t need to avoid… there are times when people would look me in the eye and say “sorry, no money on me… but good luck”
Be recognized as a human… being talked to as a human… that would help too. Homeless people are still people…
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I know they are… But from what I’ve see. There are a lot of ways to avoid homelessness. Maybe they are special programs for the mentally ill but it seems like America has a lot to offer for for people who are on hard times.
Getting out in public can help you conquer your paranoia. After my last psychosis I had to relearn how to communicate with people. Socializing and being in public can build confidence. You have to face your fears and once you do you learn theres nothing to be afraid of.
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Well you can talk to people, right? It’s the best way to get to know their thoughts and if it’s a good conversation, nothing is left behind and their thoughts will be out in the open.
That’s a good point man…
I’ve completely lost track of dealing with people in a real way. To me they’re all telepathic assholes.
I simply don’t know what to do.
But I’m interested in what they’ll say once I’ve gotten over my personal problems.
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Do you still get telepathic messages whenever you talk to anyone?
Right now I am in “perfect” state of mind though they don’t have ■■■■ to say. That’s all I can do. Then I start hearing ■■■■ with my ears.
But you get them seemingly from the people you’re talking to irl, right? That’s bad, i never experienced it like that. I understand how this cuts you off from social contact. In my case, at some point conversations with real people gave me some relief of the voices I was hearing, but for you it seems exactly the opposite way. So much harder then to stay in touch with people. I feel bad for you but you got to find a way to get/stay in touch with people, challenge the telepathy. Isolation will not do you much good I think. Think of how hard it is to fake body language and genuine expression, someone once said the body is the mirror of the soul. Maybe you can try and trust bodily expressions and tone of voice over mental communication, if you can distinguish them.
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That is the same for me. When I’m not scattered and can focus… a good conversation can distract me from some of my head chaos.
@SoItGoes
I know you have been working hard to get this all behind you. I really admire how much you’ve managed to take this by the horns and wrestle it to the ground…
Good luck and I hope you can keep telling yourself… what is on the inside of your head is all you… I’m glad your getting out more.
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