What to do? Want to take drugs or something. I don’t have any symptoms pos or neg, just a bit lazy/wake up late. But I feel bad like a lesser person. Something very wrong with my brain. Unworthy feeling… Need amphet or something to make me normal
It was a lecture by robert sapolsky btw very interesting but confronting. No need to tell me not to kill myself, I wont do it I have family I care about… Dunno why I made this post, to scared to call someone or don’t wanna bother them…
I feel exactly the same way. The thought of suicide crosses my brain every day whenever my sick brain gets its chance. But there’s always hope, just never give up! Something better is bound to be just around the corner.
I watched a research lecture about suicide and there are two major risk factors: general disregard for one’s own physical safety and secondly, impulsivity. The type of person who does things such as parachute jumping or bungee jumping show a disregard for physical safety and are at greater risk. Also, impulsive spending or shopping are an indicator of the second subgroup.
I detrained my impulsivity with the Focus Trainer android app. (No longer available on the Play Store but the Focus Trainer APK manual install file is still available online.) I’m also a bit of a scaredy cat when it comes to physical safety. This is one arena where being a bit of a coward is highly protective.
@everhopeful Thanks for that I guess I really am lucky. It’s heaven to have no voices or delusions.
@ZmaGal I have ‘intrusive’ thoughts/fantasies abt taking drugs all day… I’m trying my best to keep clean but it’s a struglle. Imagine your ego telling you all day long (when you aren’t focused or in company). Take this, take that. Combine this drug with that drug. How nice wouldn’t it be if you went on a vacation from this stupid isht. Take some …, have some …, smoke some … I wanna die why not get high instead etc etc etc etc etc etc…
Anyway I did breathing exercises and went “swimming” in ice cold water. It’s better now. I’m trying to go on a path of martial arts and training instead of the bullisht. I need to learn to change mood naturally.
@NutsAboutU Yeah I’m impulsive, I used to ride on the outside of trains and stuff like that. Almost died once in between two cabins of a passenger train, ridiculously stupid.
@Aziz Yeah I think sz is scarier then suicidal thoughts, you can pull yourself together and get over it. But in psychosis you can hurt yourself or other people because you don’t realize what’s going on. I’m more scared of hurting other people then suicide. Btw I read a lot of your posts. I will light a candle for you man. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be knocked out in bed all day.