Im tempted to throw the towel in and drop the four classes I signed up for. being yelled at for believing in myself is too much…my dad said “just take one class” and he said its not that he cant afford it he just wants me to succeed and not fail…
I said einstein dropped out of college and my brother joined in to say that before I had to drop the discussion. and it wasn’t supposed to be about how many classes i was asking his advice about taking out loans. because if he wont support me for a full semester I have to take out loans…
I hate how he uses money to objectify and control me. I hate money because I have known it as a tool for abuse…and I cant get ahead with no support…and he doesnt want me to be independent it seems. he wants me to take “one class” slowing further toward an associates.
Im about to drop out. I dont believe in myself anymore.
Is there any chance he is just trying to help you slow down and only take on as much as he thinks you can handle? That he’d rather see you succeed in one class than take on too much and get overwhelmed and drop out?
Just from the stress of the conversation, you are ready to drop out of all four classes. You’re having this knee jerk reaction to something that sounds to me like – not like your dad is controlling you with money, but maybe doesn’t want to pay for something that might get dropped. Maybe he just doesn’t want to waste money.
You dad just wants you to have and cherish small wins. Probably doesn’t want you to get sick due to stress of multiple classes.
Things could have been worse. You dad might never have acknowledged your sickness. Could have been more stringent with you.
Usually parents always want to live by their kids’ side. Depending on your culture things might differ. What do you think he will get by stopping you from being independent?
What would you rather have completing 4 classes one by one in a series or 4 classes at one in parallel? Later is obviously more stressful.
I’m taking one class right now and it’s a hard class that takes a lot of my time. Speaking for myself, I couldn’t imagine taking four classes while dealing with schizophrenia and the rest of my life. I think your dad knows what a load four classes would be and he’s just looking out for you. I think he is honest when he says he wants you to succeed. Sometimes people can see stuff in us that we can’t see in ourselves. He might be able to tell that four classes is too much. Heck, you’re still young, you got time to take one class at a time. I think your dad just wants to give you the best chance to succeed.
And my step-mother paid for some of my classes that I ended up failing. So now, I pay for my own classes and if I pass, she will reimburse me. So you’re lucky your dad is paying up front.
@Pandy said it a lot more diplomatically than me; just slow down and stack the odds in your favor of succeeding and just try one class. Maybe if you succeed you may be able to take two at a time down the road. We want to live and be as good as normies and do what they do but we can’t always ignore the fact that we have schizophrenia. And sometimes that means making compromises.
Learning how much you can expect from yourself is a difficult journey which is always changing. No one but you know how much you can handle. I was in a similar spot when I was first diagnosed. My parents tried to tell me how much to do which was never what I wanted to achieve. In the end I took a semester break, got my life together and went back. If you need a break then take one. If you are ready to go back full time then try it. Just try not to feel bad about it. Don’t give up on yourself though.