Just a Reflection, What's Your Opinion

My old pdoc told me that seeing things must be worse then hearing voices. I primarily see things. I see demons and have visions. Recently I’ve been seeing these movies that have no logical flow and feel like they’re someone else’s thoughts. I have no control over them and am forced to see them. The demons really scare me. The one is a little girl from the movie the Ring that doesn’t talk and just tries to touch me. Her face is decaying and she just creeps me out really bad.

I have heard voices in the past. Don’t get me wrong hearing voices must be hard as hell. I can’t imagine what it would be like to hear them all day. When things were bad the demon would scream at me to burn myself. I just started crying because it was hard to fight.

No matter what your symptoms are this illness is hell. I believe it makes us stronger people and before we came into this life we chose this illness so we could work off more of our karma. Just think of how much further ahead we will be compared to people who don’t have to fight as much.

Two friends I grew up with aren’t mentally ill and for a while I was very jealous of them because they were able to seem to breeze through school, get married and have kids. All the things I wanted. And here I am living on disability and going in and out of hospitals. But I’m grateful for my life today. I have an awesome boyfriend, my mom is my best friend, I’m a junior in school and have a 3.96 GPA, and I have everything I need. I’m even getting a new car soon. I got some money through school that came by surprise.

Something I noticed that has helped me in my recovery is mindfulness. I seem to be more aware of every moment and not just letting life pass me by. Also being educated of schizophrenia and aware of how it strikes has been really helpful. When I first got sick I believed everything was real. It was like living in hell. I didn’t know what was going on. I kept looking for other people to fix me. It wasn’t until I took responsibility in my treatment that things began to change. :sunny: