Journals from my psychotic episode

I wrote these journals for English Class. I was an honor student and was immediately sent to the ward after writing these and calling a helpline. My English teacher cried when she saw me. But enough of that sappy ■■■■. This was how my mind was running during the worst break I’ve ever had in my life.
I feel it’s rare to get detailed accounts of the mind of someone in the midst of a psychotic break, but here ya go. Little old seventeen year old me.

NOTE: The bolded is my teacher’s comments. Hence why she probably felt so guilty afterwards.

– Journals start here –

Journal #50? Of AP English Class
(scatterbrained thought) No point BEWARE
I can’t keep track of the date.
Too lazy to find out.
The color red. I think it is the perfect color to represent a personality disorder. One moment you are happy, thinking beautiful thoughts. The next it is all red. Red represents scars, blood, death, all kinds of negative things. I suppose I am the color red tonight. Blowing away in the wind. WIND. Not end.
I love this ^
More of this !
I found I have a scratching problem. It gets worse pretty often. A month ago I woke up with three scratches across my chest. My mom says I should wear mittens to bed but that would bother me even more. I think the color red comes out of me through stress. Anyway Now I have bad scars on my chest, my hands, and now my neck from today. It’s the 27th, I remember now from all the tagging at work.
- Received August 26 2011 -
There’s really no point to this journal entry. It started off with a point, but I lost it. School and work, even though I do little of both, is so stressful., and then more scratching. Thank goodness I’m not bald, I scratch my head a lot. I don’t know if that is because of stress or something else.
This idea was actually given to me by my friend Sarah. She’s crazy and was in a mental hospital for a while but she’s better now. What a dissapointing entry. This didn’t turn out at all like I hoped. Maybe when I’m more stable I will try again. Will this even count?
Like reading Sybil or The Bell ??Fan??

^^ Okay not so bad for just one entry. the second one gets kind of weird.

Journal #51 of AP English Class
Lena’s voice is mine, but it is NOT what I want, not anymore —-> arrow referring to the next page
8/29/2011
Sometimes all I see is TV static.
A blank mind produces blank thoughts.
8/30/2011
Dick from In Cold Blood suffered a brain injury after his accident and his personality changed. You said you wanted to hear more about it, my side of it perhaps. Well I’ve suffered head injuries and I would say I’ve never been the same since then. Carley is disappearing, and two others have been forming for the past year. Maybe longer. More recently, more noticeably. One has been given a name. I let her be Lena Hahn. Althought she has more control over me than Carley myself. She (Lena) would be my bad, destructive side. She tells me this and that. A bad influence within myself. The third (unnamed) appears whenever my anxiety and stress cause me to breakdown. She plays the victim. She wants to run, to get away from everything. Since school has started, she has defined herself more clearly. She has desires to die, to be depressed, and to be only taken care of. I hate her more than Lena. Lena and Carley are merging more into one, the line thinning out.
My unnamed side is calling for help.
Lena says to do bad things and forget about it.
Carley wants success and relaxation and for Lena and the unnamed to go away. But HOW?! I sound so crazy. You asked for it.
I let her (Lena) in so easily during my times of anger. Now she is here and controlling everything, I want her out! GET HER OUT.

Update:
8/31
-called hotline
-told parents
-getting help