Schizophrenia.com

I've seen too many people die

I had a brain tumor growing up, so I made friends with a lot of kids who have since died. My dad and grandfather died a week apart, shortly followed by my grandma. Left and right they drop like flies. It used to get me really upset and I would cry and scream.

Now, another of my friends has died, and one more is in a coma he might never wake up from. And I don’t even care a little bit. I feel like maybe I lost part of my humanity. Everyone is so sad and worried, and it just doesn’t matter to me. I mean, I hope he wakes up, but I’m not emotionally invested in it. What is wrong with me?

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In my experience, people who have seen a lot of trauma (you seemingly, and myself, personally) grow a hard shelled exterior, trying to insulate to prevent further wreckage of the psyche. You learn to let stuff roll off your back. It’s a coping mechanism. If you’re anything like me, big things make no difference, but petty things are highly aggravating…things the average person wouldn’t let bother them.

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Do you feel you definitely don’t care, or is this the kind of thing that might catch up with you later? I often feel like I have delayed processing of stressful, traumatic events. Books or movies or sad newspaper articles, though, and I’m a sobbing wreck.

I’m so sorry about your friends. I hope for the best outcome for the one currently ill.

I’m sorry you’ve seen so much death. Maybe your lack of care is a defense mechanism to prevent a mental break down. Death has hit me hard in the past year, but I don’t know how I’d react in the future after this serious blow of death I recieved. I tend to become hardened by things after awhile and I’m positive it’s my mind protecting itself.

You’re in my prayers :heart:

Yeah, it’s probably a thing that Freud called ego defense mechanisms, a subconscious protection from anxiety and harmful events.
It’s very rare for me to cry now as well.
I was on my father’s and grandfather’s funeral and I cried my eyes out…but that was few years ago.
It’s not that you don’t have emotions, they are just suppressed or frozen. Don’t forget that medications have their part too.

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