When I have zero friends, my sza doesn’t worsen. I do just fine @Anna1 .
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Oh, am glad for you, honey 
yeah, I’ll try to occupy myself at home too, as you do it… you just probably see now how obsessed I am about my health, maybe even egoistical too etc, so I am bugging… am not good enough for no one now tbh…
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I’m glad you’re going to reach out. You could really use the support
It might help if you reach out and engage in other conversations here you will make more online friends. I noticed you don’t really participate in the forum except in your own posts. Maybe try that.
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OK, I’ll try but I don’t do it in purpose… my last pdoc was scared how severe sz I am… I have a 20 years old of isolation behind me and my thinking is very limited… I also deal with a body somatic disorder and almost every afternoon, I can’t even walk…
Just now, I thought that I am dying, I am alone here with that… dying plus paranoia, I was turning totally mad… I am scared till screaming almost… anyway
OK, hope it goes away in a few, I am doing my best now, I note your remark, okay.
In 2007, I lost my online girlfriend. I was married to my wife, and my girlfriend got married to her husband. After my girlfriend got married, her husband didn’t want her to be friends with me anymore. I no longer had anyone to talk to about my mental health. My wife and family don’t really understand about it. In 2008 I took twice the lethal dose of Amitriptyline when I was unable to deal with life. I did actually die from taking the overdose, and I was kept alive on life support. The doctors at the hospital asked my parents if they should try to keep me alive or not, as I did not breathe for a long time before I was ventilated. My intelligence doesn’t seem too bad, as I can still learn about science and psychiatry very easily, but I don’t really remember anything about my childhood, and I spend 99% of my life in bed.
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maybe you can work on yourself and build confidence, i havent talked to any of my irl friends in years. i dont feel lonely tho because i am mostly introverted and my hobbies and online friends keep me company
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I’m so sorry to hear that @Anna1 . Like others have said, maybe you guys just need some space
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I talked to my bf today though… I thought before that too, that I am dying and I was alone… I have a body disorder as well, it makes me feel like dying too this one… I was sooo paranoid too, that I thought that I am dying yeap…
Tbh, I went so out of touch with the reality , the others and myself, that I often still don’t know what’s happening to me…
Maybe I am a bpd too, cause the meds are not big help on me since years 
Today, I saw a bit this bpd part of me as demonic in fact too… I wont stop longtime on this though, but I wonder if the bpds seem really bad to others for real?
It’s sad if it’s like that maybe… I’ve always tried to not hurt anyone… I was a good person the most of the time, real good yeah, I am not kidding 
but anyway…
Panda said, that I am bugging. Maybe this means only, that I am still very sick, no? 
…
I hope, that I’ll start to feel better though… I need it… and I was just fighting and hating my days for the past few years… before that, for some 15 years I even wasn’t trying tbh nothing anymore after when I turned 20…
Anyway. I’ll be 40 the next year heh 
what a life yeah…
But do I sound very sick still for real?
Take care all!
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i don’t really have friends either… i broke off all contact with people that cared about me because it’s too hard to talk to them. Occasionally a friend from the army calls me but i never answer the phone because i don’t know what to say.
I hope you find new friends @Anna1
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Thank you, my dearest @lekkerhondje, you are always kind, while me, i almost scream heh…
Ok, i’ll see how i’ll be without friends. I am too bad too for now in order to search for new persons, they wont understand me… I still have my online bf, i hold on to him, but its different… In my horoscope, they say, that the taurus needs a lot his friends, but i should agree, that i give them few still, so i’ll just try to get better.
I wish you the same, lots of health, dear and more joys too!!!
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Borderlines are not some kind of demon possessed evil person. They just hate, the normal life of doing drudgery work all day and just coming home to watch TV in the evening, and being told they must not do anything they get pleasure from.
However many of them do get into trouble if they associate with wrong people or misuse drugs and alcohol.
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that’s a bad word :))
we don’t use it here 
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Yeap, ok… I just know now how i was for long… Idk about this doc swearing, that i am not a sz, but maybe borderline. Its a serious illness too, very serious one… With no guarantee, that youll get better too 
…
well, for the demons, even one friend told me, that mine are tough, heh… I’ll try to beat this though… Yeah, i know its not demons, its just the illness, but yeap. I just saw my sister today. She said, that i feel very bad about myself since always… Yeap, i was feeling as hell for decades, the conversion disorder added to that…
Idk why my paranoia is not helped by any ap… Maybe cause i am still rational though and my fears are real too, isnt it? yeap… Idk, at least i know now that my life will be different, not as i imagined it as little, i try to break the isolation, but myfears are strong and they affect me physically too.
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Yeah, I don’t have any friends. Haven’t went out and done something or spoken to someone on the phone for years, I have my immediate family but that is it. I am doing better than I have in a long time, but that is due to a med change 2-3 years ago.
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Many Borderlines have a much harder time getting help than the Schizophrenics. Maybe because some of the symptoms of schizophrenia are more noticeable, such as hallucinations and delusions.
But when a Borderline feels unable to do anything about their condition, they often isolate and spend most of their time at home, most of them smoke lots of cigarettes as although smoking is very harmful to a person’s health, it does not make them do crazy things like other drugs, so they think it ok.
Borderlines have the highest suicide rate of any mental disorder, and twice as high than the suicide rate of schizophrenia.
Borderlines usually commit suicide because they spend most of their time hating their life, and think that if they have been suffering for years, if they die their suffering will end.
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