I have four close friends, but they are aged and busy as fresh baked parents, working full time and what not. I don’t expect to have much to do with most of them any time soon.
It’s different when people are young with little responsibilities and a good amount of time on their hands.
I don’t ask much of my friends other than spending time together for mutual benefit. But I know what to expect in the forseable future. I know raising small kids takes up a lot of time.
My friends would get together and make plans without me got tired of it and gave up on them
I remember school was like this for me. Felt bad, sometimes theyd plan in front of me
I have a handful of girlfriends. I would have more, but before I was medicated (and this was before hearing voices - this goes back to when I was a teenager) I would end friendships when it wasn’t necessary. I would get hurt feeling over small things - things people didn’t mean to hurt my feelings and start attributing bad characteristics to people.
Anyway, I often am the one to make plans too. I have a friend who eagerly will make plans with me. She’ll message to ask if my husband and I will hang out with her and her husband. So, you’re not alone in being the person to make plans. I’m not giving up on my friends. I just don’t ask them to make plans all the time as I get discouraged some being the one to reach out.
Im glad its not just me. Its extremely discouraging. Makes me wonder whats wrong with me that people dont wanna be around me
I dont think its as simple as i burn them out either. Im sure i can but this has been an ongoing issue since i was a teen, though i did have some success in my early 20s when i was a hot skinny blonde
If you are looking for actionable ways to manage this, you could try what my college friends did for me after my dad died. They had shifts. Mondays 10-3 i could call X if i needed support. Night time calls were for my west coast friend who wasn’t in bed yet. And so on. We are all a burden at times. It is part of being human. Instead of trying to place blame on either party (friends who cant handle it vs the one in crisis who can’t cope) it can help to understand that both people have a rough time when someone is in crisis, and both people need to work to find actionable and sustainable ways to recover.
You might not be burning them out. They might be busy. One of my friends had young kids and is occupied with them. She invited me out for dinner for my birthday in August and we’re going out in November. So, I won’t give up in her.
Another friend has many other friends and is occupied with them. She says she feels overwhelmed a lot. We’re hanging out in November. If she cancels as she has in the past, I might wait a while to contact her again. I saw her in August most recently.
Another friend spends the majority of the time socializing with her childhood friend. It’s like that’s the only friend she really needs. Anyway, this friend recently joined a women’s social group again that we had both been in for years. She texted me what she going to. So. I’ll see her at one of the two November meetups. She’s also going out with my first friend and I in November. I arranged that though. I don’t t have to give up on her.
I recently let a friendship go as this woman never contacts me and really only wanted to badmouth another friend while we were out. By the way. it’s not like I’m really letting the friendship go, I simply hadn’t contacted her yet again. The last time I saw her when she was ranting about another friend I told her she can always contact me to hang out. So, we didn’t have fun together last time saw her anyway.
I feel for you.
I have a couple or three friendships where things are not going well, and I wonder what to do about it.
Peoples lives get busy and we end up not hanging out as much. It could be that.
If your unloading all your problems (like someone would do with a therapist) everytime your with a friend then that would be taxing on the friendship
Neurotypicals don’t tolerate mentally ill people well. I am assuming your friends know about it and are still friends with you. Which is a great thing.
Friends can’t always be your emotional support or counsels. That’s why I went away from my friends. They would reach out only when they needed help or advice. Or worse an ear.
I’m often saying, “I have nothing and no one.”
My family and friends don’t like me saying it.
I wonder how friends will feel when I call them acquaintances or classmates.
That’s kinda sad. I’m sure your friends and family disagree.
Big mistake. People like to gossip. And people like to laugh at what they consider “black humour”, when they are not with you.
Not with diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia. Not possible to have friends outside online world. People tend to hurt you, abuse you, manipulate you. So I’m currently working in making some friends in video games since interactions I found it to be very different and people for most case are on equal ground with no hierarchical structures in place unless you choose specific games that have that kind of thing.
It’s a process, but I’m getting better at it.
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