I have decided today that I no longer want to be depressed. I know this sounds outlandish to someone with clinical depression, but I want to prove to people that I don’t have depression on a clinical level, so, with that, comes the decision to be happy.
It’s something I had before my illness, but have fallen from grace from since my onset six years ago. Instead of wallowing in my self-pity, a drug that can give a better high than most illicit drugs it seems like, I want to focus on the positivity around me. Gratitude is such a saving virtue for most of us, that I want to be constantly thinking and feeling it.
I realize that depression can be multifaceted and hard to deal with, but like I said, I don’t think I have depression like my psychiatrist suggests, so, it’s time to prove it and get to work.
I haven’t been depressed, except for 1 month after my first dog died, not long before my diagnosis of schizophrenia. Even in my darkest hours since then, I never felt depressed, upset maybe, and definitely tortured, but not depressed.
My odd conclusion is that my diet and habits kept me from that fate. I see it as all chemical means that creates things like ‘depression.’ If your body is feeling good and full of energy, then you probably cannot be depressed, unless you actually have a rare dopamine brain problem, like bi-polar syndrome (or possibly our disease), or are dealing with short lived grief.
I think the mind can only accomplish what the body is capable of providing it the energy/chemical hormones to do. I have had to be humble and accept that I cannot do something I really wanted to accomplish, even if I place in the effort, but I can change the conditions of my body however, to change my capabilities.
I think the best way to change your chemical state is to change your environment, and then focus on changing your habits within that new environment. I think we are creatures of habit, and it is going to be difficult to force change, especially with a mental health problem like schizophrenia.
Being grateful seemed like a toxic trap for me in the household I stay in, but it is good for people who can feel grateful for things in genuine, but that comes naturally and is not forced.
A Psychiatrist will say an elephant is depressed to prescribe it more drugs, just saying… it is the name of the game. Didn’t matter that the elephant was king of the herd and on top of the world. He is just another animal in the zoo to farm for … $-$-$
I didn’t take my paxil yesterday and I feel like absolutely sh-it today. My hands are trembling, I have anxiety and I’m worried sick. I don’t remember being like this before I started taking paxil.
Sorry, don’t want to derail the thread. I just want to vent a little.
I hope you are able to get better. Depression sucks!