when your ill friends are doing better than you isn’t it? being sick since child its not ‘‘given’’ to everybody… I had no job, no education, no partner, no hobby, nothing… yeah
and I knew only the illness. to find the meds ate the age of 34 years old. and all this time before this where you were unhappy as a dog… yeah…
sometimes I am really annoyed by the sickness of the others…
I know it’s just horrible.
No child?! What am i gonna do?!
I’ll never know now what it is like to wipe a kids ass for like two years straight every time it shits. Darnit!
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thanks for the video pans 
after this day idk if I am really in bad shape and ill have to fight as a monster to get better, or I am maybe just hypocondriaque and anxious and its not so bad? I just saw how hard I socialize already…
This post litterally made me cry. I feel it homie. I was a star basket ball player, I dotted the i in Ohio in marching band with my saxophone, I worked two jobs in between psychosis, I had straight As and a 4.5 almost valdictorian, then now… I can’t drive, I sit at home and get fat at mommies house but I’m trying so hard just to stay sane and balanced every day… and not to kill myself. No one around me understands and constantly cuss at me and call me lazy. So I just sit at home to avoid the outside criticism that actually exists.
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yeah, ive heard it for years that I am lazy… but I guess our relatives can see our suffering… I was looking at my feet for years after my diagnosis. its just new for me to fight for sanity. but I am wondering if my brain is not definitely ■■■■■■ up… but I believe in its plasticity too you had a lot of good things in the past. me too probably I had some but I couldn’t enjoy them in the past… I was often first at my college but there was always something ‘‘bad’’… maybe now the maturity is on my side. the knowledge that all this is an illness too.
I guess we shouldn’t panic. my life would be different if I was treated earlier no doubt. I wouldnt have met the same people and I still have some love for the people around me 
destiny… yeap… the next life will be easier I guess. now I have a life sentence, it wont be easy I guess. but we can do it isn’t it?
Yeah, I hear ya.
It’s unfair. But I had 2 friends who died in their 20s. They didn’t have schizophrenia. One died from a disease and the other died in an accident. So there’s things more unfair than schizophrenia.
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I think that to live a poor life is much better than not to live at all,
I have nothing as well, don’t look at your ill friends look at me,
I am missing out on an active life, perchance a career, but what can I do?
Still I prefer my lousy life to not living at all, at least I am physically in excellent condition.
@Anna1
I’m still friends with people I knew in hospital, they all have well paid jobs, their own home, partners, kids. I’m alone, I live at home with my mum, I do sessional work as a peer tutor, but it’s months between each session and pay is below minimum wage. I nearly have a degree to my name but as I did it online and from home it doesnt have as much weight in its success. I feel I’m the only ill one left, I feel I have to defend myself extra hard with what I’m doing even to my own family. My parents are ever supportive and know my struggle. But I wish I had more to call myself a successful human, I don’t count the fact I’m not dead a success but I suppose in the eyes of my mum it is.
I don’t feel it’s fair but that doesn’t mean we are any less of a human being, we have our own fights which are just as valuable, to get out of bed every morning and face the world is huge when you live with this! But I hear you and I truly feel that pain, it’s an ongoing battle but never doubt your own worth by comparing yourself to other poeple, it’s an unnecessary pain. Keep on the good fight.
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Same. But both from heroin overdoses. Went to my bestfriends funerallast week.missed the other friend due to work. Alot of the time, including now, I rather be dead.
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Ohio here too. Trumpet player! 
And I’m sorry to hear about your friends.
Are you from Dayton? (:
No, Cleveland area lol
I should occupy myself with something else instead of being jealous… I saw my friend today at my house but gosh, it was hard… I even get shaky, I am so strange and probably quite messed. but all my friends think that I am more depressed than schizophrenic… but the years of isolation probably damaged me more than I imagine. cause for me, the hardest now is socializing. this friend was a good friend once. she is the only one who still supports me but yes, I get shaky even in her presence.
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