So, I’m doing good. My Mom is visiting my Aunt tonight and the creepy part of Twin Peaks comes on. I can’t handle that alone on so I turn it off real fast. I turn it to IT Crowd even though I just finished it and would rather watch Twin Peaks. I’ve got this I say to myself. I can manage. And the rest of the day goes okay.
The power goes out in the shower and it freaks me out but I, again, manage it. I almost screamed like an eight year old girl and I almost slip and kill myself running for the door but I still consider it a victory.
I remember that I have to take out the trash at 2 in the morning. I don’t let myself get upset even though I have to do it at night, I’m alone and it looks kind of creepy outside.
Then while returning, I remember the mail. So I open the mailbox like it is nothing. It should be nothing and I barely even think about it.
Yet I can’t reach my hand in. And why? Because for some blasted reason I’m worried someone cut the tail off a rattlesnake and put it in my mailbox and I can’t see it or hear it because it is night. I don’t spend that much time looking inside the mailbox but the real reason I eventually manage to put my hand in there at all is because I’m worried the neighbors might see me staring at the inside of my mailbox like it is a bear trap about to spring on my foot. That realization also bothers me. I’d rather be bitten by a potential rattlesnake than be scrutinized for a second by the neighbors.
And that is what annoys me. The randomness. When I leave the house for the doctors I expect the thought leaking. I am prepared for the horribleness. But that crap that just happens out of nowhere when I’m feeling okay is what really brings me down and rips me apart.
I sometimes don’t know if I should laugh or cry.