It's that time of year. 💔

October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. In the US, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. Hugs to all of you that have been through this.

My heart is broken. This time of year is really hard for me. On top of seeing all the awareness posts on social media, my son’s birthday is only a month away and every year I struggle with a lot of guilt and grief and heartbreak. I remember holding him for as long as they would let me, just crying. I was all alone. My throat gets tight just thinking about it.

Luckily I see my pdoc next week. I’m thinking about asking him to temporarily increase my AD to get me through. The last few years I always end up getting pretty depressed and symptomatic thinking about him and all my other babies that didn’t make it.

If my son was born healthy, my life would be completely different. It’s weird to think about. After my son was born, I lost 9 more babies to pregnancy loss before finally having Little LED. It was a really long road.

I’m really struggling tonight. I’m torn, though, because when I get like this I usually start hallucinating and sometimes I see this little boy that I always believed was my son. Before meds we used to do all kinds of things together. I didn’t really understand he wasn’t really there, so it got awkward at times. But I still miss him all the same. I kind of hope I get to see him again, but that’s a slippery slope. I don’t know. I’ll shut up now since no one is probably reading all this anyways.

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Sorry you’re struggling tonight LED. I feel your pain but in a different way. I’m male, and when I was 17 a girl I was dating ended up pregnant by me. She decided to terminate. I gave her the okay knowing we had no way to take care of the child. The 10 year anniversary was in the beginning of September. I hope you’re kind with yourself, do all the self care you need, and hope your doc okays the AD increase. Keeping you in my thoughts.

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My Mom had 2 still births before adopting and having my sister and I. Back then, doctors were very secretive. For 3 weeks, they wouldn’t tell my mother her daughter was dead. She agonized. But after she got over it, she was eager to try again. When the second one died, she was to distraught to try any more so they adopted my brother. Then, my sister and I came along successfully. I, and I think Mother, too, had a lot of fantasies that her children were born alive and that they were taken away, sold or something. We didn’t trust anyone.

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That would be so hard to be pregnant for all those months and not even be able to hold your baby. :broken_heart::broken_heart::broken_heart: I can’t even imagine. I’m truly jealous (in a weird way, because I wish no one had to suffer a stillbirth) of all the technology today. When I lost Jackson a nurse took a single picture and emailed it to me. Now with smartphones and all that people have videos and a hundred pictures. And they have these special beds for stillborn babies that are kept cold so the baby deteriorates much more slowly and parents can be with their baby for so much longer.

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My heart goes out to all of you. :heart:

My mom had a miscarriage several years ago and it was really hard on our family. I had no idea this month was designated as the time to remember the struggles of those who’ve been through this and I’m glad I know now. Thank you @LED.

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October 15th there’s an annual wave of light. Everyone that wants to participate around the world lights a candle at 7pm local time, creating a wave of light across the world. There are a bunch of graphics for it if you search. I’m sure your mom would love the thought of you remembering.

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I am so sorry.

I have a baby sister in Heaven. I often think of her. My mom miscarried her and I know that she was damaged by it, but she refuses to talk about it.

My friend also lost a baby in miscarriage. When my friend and I talked in a park about this issue about how we lost our loved ones through miscarriage, we cried and we hugged.

Your little one is in Heaven now. Please know that you are loved. Our little saints in heaven still love us regardless :slight_smile:

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I’m atheist. I’m sorry to hear about your sister and friend. It truly is heartbreaking to endure.

Oh, I’m so sorry. Your baby’s memory lives on- that is certain.
Thinking of you! We cried buckets after she broke the news that she miscarried :frowning:

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I’m so sorry everyone. I can remember when my daughter was in the NICU for somewhere around three weeks. It was tough. I can’t imagine losing a baby.

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I lost my baby 5 years ago. It was really sad. I don’t know if my baby was a boy or a girl. But I’ll always love him/her. I don’t know if there’s something after death, but I’d like it to be with my baby again.

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I got pregnant when I was 19 and my baby was anencephalic which means without a brain or skull. It was beyond horrible. At the time they didn’t know what caused it but since then they found it happened because of lack of folic acid.
That was 32 years ago. It still hurts. :disappointed_relieved::broken_heart:

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I’m so so sorry. I lost a daughter to severe spina bifida due to lack of folic acid. I have an MTHFR mutation and didn’t know it at the time. :broken_heart: These wounds never seem to heal.

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I’m sorry you’re struggling so much this month.

I can’t imagine the grief and pain you must be going through.

Just know you can always talk to us,

You’re not alone.

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I’m so sorry, @LED. It’s awful losing a baby or pregnancy. I’ve been through it. Not going to go into mine, but I understand the grief and agony afterward. It lasts forever. I hope you are able to get an AD increase and that it eases this time for you.

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Thank you. I’m sorry you understand. :heart:

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One of my nieces was lost to a miscarriage and my brother’s wife was greatly saddened and scared for the other twins born through IVF. I think she would have been a wonderful woman had she lived. It is something sad to have happen to your family.

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I read all of it and you don’t owe us an apology. Please feel free to vent and post as much as whatever it takes to help you through this. My thoughts are with you.

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