Schizophrenia.com

It's not that I can't compete with normals

But I’m more reserved, make connections less, see life as more fake. I consider it a blessing but sometimes I get frustrated. In my IOP I’m the only one with psychosis I’m aware of and my perception of reality is way different. It’s NOT that I can’t compete, but more like I can’t relate. It’s the difference between a heroin user and an LSD user. In fact that’s the exact situation. But the heroin user sees the world as real they are constantly competing and comparing while the LSD user is philosophical, helped in the egocentric “situation”.

I’ve rarely heard voices but I only had to hear them once to know I was different. It’s not the norm by any means. It’s surreal. Supernatural.

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Um… For what are heroin users competing? Who will die first?

Get a job.
Go to work.
Get married.
Have children.
Follow fashion.
Act normal.
Walk on the pavement.
Watch TV.
Obey the law.
Save for your old age.
Now repeat after me: “I am free”.

:sunglasses:

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Competing for money, success, triumph. Not saying all opiate addicts but many are sociopaths and/or competitive. Maybe because they are not with psychotic illnesses. They are still normies. LSD brings you out of the egocentric situation. So does psychosis I believe. Heroin isn’t the reason for your psychosis. Heroin doesn’t bring on psychosis. Just frustrated with these people in my class. This one girl says she’s never felt depressed, but she sure does complain a lot and sees the world as real. I see the world as fake. Always have. Sorry I can’t make sense of my current thoughts but to sum it short, I’m there for mental health, weed, hallucinogens and alcohol. Most everyone else there is for heroin or alcohol with no mental health. The ones I relate to best have done LSD but no psychosis. But I don’t relate as well with them as someone with psychosis. Just frustrated sorry. When the spotlight is on me I can shine but it’s hard for me to give feedback, can’t relate to their issues… Idk

Yeah I kind of get you… Certain personalities use certain drugs. There are exact kind of people who will fall for heroin, and exact kind of people who will fall for LSD.
And you saw what’s behind the illusion of perfectness, and you are disgusted of it. Now there’s only left to find a person with whom you’ll ■■■■ on the world.
You should read something of Nietzsche’s work.

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The world is as real as you make it…

Someone who complains all the time isn’t seeing the world as more or any less real then us…

They are focusing on the negative… the sour… the bitter… ignoring all the other stuff… That’s not seeing life as real… it’s seeing life as horrid all the time. It’s not horrid all the time.

personalities flock together…

it’s a certain type of person who reaches for the depressant’s… vs the ones who reach for the stimulants or the hallucinogens.

That 1950 mind set of the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids sure did hook deep in the psyche…

The heroin addicts I’ve met are boring… mostly on the nod. Just sleeping through life… that doesn’t make their life more real.

The people I used to hang with who loved their acid… wanted to be awake. They wanted something different… but different is scary. I’ve met so many people who have made their own path… and don’t see life as a competition.

Don’t get caught up in the definition that others set…

Look as some of the sub-cultures… the Vampire Heroin Goths never hang with the Steampunks… and Vampire heroin goths never ever hang with the surfers.
Who has a more real world? The goths… the punks… or the surfers?
They are all real… they all made their own world.

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Thanks for responding…I was gonna bring this up in group tonight but now I’ll be more subtle if I do…needed to vent. The group leader asked me to give more feedback to others. I feel I can give good feedback on sz.com but its tough to relate with the type of thinking in my group it’s foreign to me. She said I’m good when called on but not at giving feedback to others, frankly I’m kind of scared of judgement maybe? Along with differences in thinking. I’ve always got along with the mentally ill and it’s no coincidence. Like minds. Just from one time hearing thousands of voices I was put in a predicament that most don’t experience. Feeling paranoid, stigmatized, not knowing the difference between what’s real and not, it changes you from society. We are outliers.

Thanks 15 characters

I never thought of acid as an escape. I said that in group and the leader agreed with me. If I were to rate my unreal/disconnection in cbt when I was 16 before I did acid I would’ve rated it 20 out of 10…thinking back. I was never there, I was seperated. I’m more here now as of a result. Although there’s been negatives. I feel too much now, I have psychosis…there was some self medication though. One if the group leaders gave LSD as an example of a drug that people do once and say “no that’s not for me” and never do it again. Then she said “except in rare cases” and pointed at me. Idk what she’s talking about. I agree you only need to do it once to have a life changing experience but all my friends were acid heads or shroomerites. Some more than others and some moved on to heroin but I’m the only one with mental health problems of my posses, the only one who didn’t move on to heroin who needs substance abuse treatment. Some people can get away with doing shrooms once a month, not sz’s or addicts but I don’t blame those drugs as being all that bad for certain people. I’m done posting though for now.

Hmmm…afraid of judgements… For what? Its an NA group, right? I think she maybe wanted you to get more involved into group talk or she thought you should get a bit off of yourself and try to involve into other people problems.
I get you though. You feel different because none of them have mental issues after doing drugs …but I tell you, the whole concept of homogeneity is so wrong: we are taught to feel safe in being the same as others and afraid of any notion that we might be different.
You are not as they are, so what? Its your advantage, they can learn from you, not your flaw, not at all.

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I agree it’s still tough though. Like my rock bottom was circa 2010-2011…my issues have all improved since then, although not gone away. I’m becoming more cognascent as to them now. Everyone else says "I hit rock bottom right before I came to this program. I can’t relate. Things like that…I fear my issues aren’t as serious anymore. I’m one of the few there willingly…most are there for court. This one girl talked about stigma in being arrested, judgement. I still fear I am judged from my arrest over 4 years ago…my friends still don’t talk to me. There was nothing I could say to assure her things will be alright…I guess I can say I’ve learned to not care about what ppl think. Idk.

…I will keep in mind your post during group.

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I hope you feel better pal
Let me know.
:heartpulse:

It sure seems like life is a competition sometimes. But your way is probably smarter.