Today I had a date. I did my best but it wasn’t enough.
Reasons why I might failed:
No job.
Live with my dad
Today made me think the failure that I am for society. I have zero value for overcoming a disease while studying. I can’t tell a girl that I have sza and whenever I start studying all my inner demons show up to block my focus.
Yes it’s true that I did some mistakes, I shouldn’t had so much weed. Although I used to smoke more when my studying demons appeared. I was learning to cope with them and none of the meds helped when I start studying something new. It still doesn’t help at the beginning.
I usually need a ton of hours to grasp something because I can spend one month fighting my insecurities that voices like so much to remember me.
Does society give any value to this? My doc surely does and I know it because it hasn’t been easy. Trough my college years I had a ton of med adjustments and changed my meds like 4 times which isn’t easy. The society? Not so much.
I hate having sza so bad(as most of us I know). It’s like the tik tok videos say and I’ll adapt to what I need “Show me you’re a fighter without telling me you’re a fighter”.
I really don’t know how.
I am these too. I would never make the same mistake of dating again unless I can work. My gf left me after 5yrs bcz I couldn’t hold jobs. She called me a big baby bcz I can’t work.
Besides I tried online dating 2yrs ago, I talked to a few girls who asked me tons of questions about my life including what is my job. I stopped replying then they deleted me. I guess I could have lied and said I work for my friend