It's like an addiction

I have been trying to get off Saphriis for a while now- you may have heard me mention it- and I am drawing the process out. My pdoc knows this, but I doubt she knows why I’m going so slowly. The truth is, it’s like a drug for me. When I had problems abusing prescription pills, I did it because they allowed me to sleep my pain and troubles away. Saphris is liike that in that it puts me to sleep. If I get off Saphris, I don’t have that any more, so a big part of me doesn’t want to get off of it. Even the lower dose that I’m not on knocks me out. I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m awake unless I have special plans (i.e. grocery shopping, going to the movies), in which case I have to either skip my morning pills or drink TWO Monster energy drinks, which agitates my TD severely.

So it’s pretty much a drug to me. I am scared to get off of it, and I’m equally scared to stay on it. Right now, I am taking 5 mg/morning and 10mg/night. I asked my pdoc if I should move to 5mg/night now or if I should cut out the daytime pill and just do the 10mg. I’ll see what she says tomorrow. In the meantime, I’m really stressed. I feel like I am getting off of my med abuse all over again, but this time, I was allowed to sleep the world away. And, for the record, 5mg makes me sleep just as much as 10mg.

Does anyone have any advice for me? I know it needs to stop; I really do want to live life again. However, I feel like I don’t know how because it’s been so long. I’m not having withdrawals, just fears. I would love some ideas. @77nick77 I know you had problems with drugs. How did you start living again? Anyone else? Thanks in advance.

It sounds to me like what you need to work on is that desperate wish to escape reality. Have you considered antidepressants?

What helped me get off drugs was ridding myself of the notion that everything would be pain without them, and that I would be nothing.

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Yes, I’m on Prozac. I recently switched from Zoloft. I think you are right about my fear of being nothing. I feel like a crap parent and partner. I just want to wake up one day and have it all be better.

Another thing is that I feared I wouldn’t have a personality without the drugs. What helped me was having fun rediscovering things I’d enjoy doing, maybe even things I hadn’t previously been able to do due to being doped down

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I know next to nothing about Saphris.

Once I was no longer depending on drugs, and they were out of my life, my life opened up. I had a part time job near the end of my addiction and soon after I was clean for a month or two I enrolled myself in community college. I soon made a friend and we hung out and went places on the bus.

But I’ll fill in some details that flesh out the story. I smoked crack four years in the late 1980’s. I had been going sporadically to AA and NA for a year before I got clean for good. I was 29 when I got clean and living in a temporary residential treatment home where they had an AA meeting in the dining room every Tuesday night. That meeting was the start of my sobriety. Soon I moved into a board & care home. I had my job, I found more meetings and that’s where I was living when I enrolled in college.

I won’t make this a long answer but the five years I lived in the home were my most productive years. Basically, I was employed the entire time, took two classes each semester the entire 5 years, I had the friend I mentioned, I went to AA, CA, and NA meetings 5 or 6 times a week and socialized with my family on most weekends. I should say here that I haven’t been to a meeting for a few years but I have no cravings for drugs.

I hope you’ve heard the saying “Nature abhors a vacuum”. Basically it means that if there’s space in nature it will always be filled by either animals or people or vegetation. And once one species abandons an area, it will naturally be filled by other humans, animals or plants. It’s fluid and ever changing. And that’s why my life blossomed after I got off drugs. Once I had the absence of drugs and all the time, money, and negative things that goes along with doing drugs, basically all the areas of my life that were vacated by negative things, I filled them with positive things.
Instead of spending all my time getting drugs, now I spent my time working. Instead of living in that negative haze of being drugged and tired, I was more clear-minded (well, relatively. Remember, I have schizophrenia) and I started working out and doing sports at school.
So when I got clean, my life snowballed and more opportunities opened up and I now did fun things.

I have to say here that just because I was off drugs didn’t mean I was happy all the time. But I was sure happier more often. I still had symptoms and I still had problems and schizophrenia raised it’s ugly head many times and caused me distress and stressed me. It made things difficult. But I plowed through it and did my thing and I was so busy that it didn’t dominate my life.

So to sum it up, they tell you to break a bad habit by starting good habits. Doing good habits will push the bad habits out.
I had a drug habit which is a negative things but I started good habits like going to AA, CA and NA. I started hanging out with other positive, recovering addicts, I hung out in nice places where there were no drugs. And that’s how I got clean and this is how I stay clean.

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