Its hard for me

I really thought aboutsuicide tonight… ill keep going but I am afraid cause I am really bad touched in my emotions…I don’t feel the things… I am an emotionless zombie… my emotions are in mess when its better…iam really disabled inmy feelings…and no med can help me for this… they just calm us down I think…my pdoc says that I risk to be insensitive. but how I will love in the future if I am insensitive? I cant imagine a life like this…
in the day iam better I think.i am less worried by the effects of the meds… its not nothing this illness,i am not sureyou can get out of this like this by miracle… idont know inwhat I believe, I am lost with my sympathy or antipathy to the people. I cant love anymore. and I don’t know if I am bisexual or heterosexual… I don’t even mention the other things, its hell…

The more posts I read, the more I think it possible that you may have the very understandable ego-defending and threat-coping traits of histrionic personality disorder.

I know that some people think HPD is a derogatory diagnosis and some sort of “accusation” or “indictment.” It is not. HPD is nothing more than a collection of thoughts, emotions and behaviors the person with it hopes will somehow “save” them by getting the attention and understanding of those who might be able to help them. It’s a strategy very frustrated children often use with parents who do not seem to understand them.

I have provided some links to scientifically verified descriptions of HPD so that you can look to see for yourself if they make sense to you. I have also provided several links to psychotherapies that have been proven by research to effectively treat the cognitive reasons and emotional symptoms of HPD… to help them “remodel” their minds so that they no longer feel so threatened and panic-stricken.

MBSRWelcome to the Mindful Living Blog
MBCT - Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: theory and practice - PubMed
ACT – ACT | Association for Contextual Behavioral Science
10 StEP – Pair A Docks: The 10 StEPs of Emotion Processing
MBBTAn Introduction to Mind-Body Bridging & the I-System – New Harbinger Publications, Inc
SEPT – Somatic experiencing - Wikipedia
SMPTSensorimotor psychotherapy - Wikipedia

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thanks notmoses. yeah, I was diagnosed as borderline once… I am a big hater, a big envier etc etc… but I do have a paranoia… I am not sure that I am flirtatious… I was once in such a bad shape that I was feeling only my libido… I didn’t care if it were women or men imagine :/… but I stopped eating once, I am not sure if the personality disorders can go to this point?.. I am calmed down now, I think I prefer it…:slight_smile: I went out today, I bought jeans for me,i am glad. I am dysmorphophobic also… I don’t love my body and I lack criticism to the other women… they all seem prettier to me(or it was just today don’t know)… sometimes I envy the uglier ones who are happy also(blush)…that’s all. I fight now. I am still not sure that I need my meds. but they works for my depression, against my derealisation also… plus if I stop eating without them, its not cool either… for my current and ex pdocs I was schizophrenic, not borderline… maybe I have both

See a therapist (15 char)

  1. Find Spirituality- i like Buddhism
  2. Find Psychoanalyst
  3. Find Psychotherapist

Once you start on 1 and 2/3, Try lessening the meds and see

This is a very common thing to happen among females with sz, as the coping mechanisms women tend to use under extreme stress often “look” to clinicians “like” classic borderline. It’s really all about reactions to stress, however, and not something “bad” about the person. As the meds you’re taking gain traction and start to slowly reduce those reactions to stress, it’s pretty likely you’ll have less reason to be dysmorphic, histrionic, borderline, etc.

Have you tried taking a single 200 mg Alleve naproxen or Motrin ibuprophin, btw? They sometimes help with the inflammation the anxiety causes and vice verse. Not every time, but often enough that they are at least worth trying at a safe dosage level to see if one gets a little lift-off from the anxiety over time by reducing inflammation in the limbic system (see below).

the best for me notmoses is rivotril(clonazepam). it calms down my fears and my social anxiety… even my kinda of paranoia… my ex pdoc at the end of our relationship started to say that what I have is not really a paranoia but something else… I don’t know what it is though… I took it yesterday and I was calmer outside today but istill cant think properly(this intellectual decline) which makes the things still hard for me…
take care, ill post a new thread cause I am not sure if I am still ok now

Klonopin (in the US) is a benzodazepine like Ativan lorazepam, Valium diazepam and Xanax alprazolam. The stuff will indeed reduce anxiety for a while. The problem is that it is habit-forming, and the brain becomes “tolerant” to it after a while. And when that happens, you need more and more of it to do that job.

In the parts of the world most of us on this forum live in, benzodiazepines are viewed by p-docs to be a short-term solution that deals with symptoms only while they look for a better long-term fix. I’m not sure if that is always – or even often – the case in eastern Europe, the Middle East, and elsewhere.

That long-term fix is usually a dopamine-channel-blocking anti-psychotic. Because over time, most people taking anti-Ps will come to be able to think relatively clearly and get a reduction in anxiety… while most who take benzodiazepines will get temporary relief only.

In the long run, whatever beliefs the patient has that cause her anxiety (see the examples below) have to identified, looked at to see if they are really true, and defused.

“I have to try harder to be good enough for my parents or husband / wife.”
“I am never going to get any better, and I will always suffer like this.”
“I am helpless and I need someone to take care of me.”
“I cannot be responsible for my survival.”

I thought all of those things years ago (when I was really “sick.” Now I don’t.

What a not-so-cleverly veiled derogatory statement. I don’t think you’re aware of one of the basic laws of nature, you know, Force<=>Reaction?

Translation: They’re not as smart as they’d like everyone to believe they are. Or you could go so far to say they’re delusional.

As for the rest of what was said I agree for the most part and it’s sensible advice.

Keep in mind that things can get better. They don’t have to always be this way.

I am. But I am also aware of what goes on in other parts of the world.