Schizophrenia.com

It's been a bad day yeah

Not a downer thread. This is meant as a support / venting thread.

Vent:

jesus fried chicken it has been a craptastic head day all day.
( = tomorrow will be better.)

loud, angry voices right in my ear from the moment I opened my eyes.
( = listening to them is not the same as believing them.)

I usually sleep until noon or a bit later, thanks seroquel, but today I was up around 8:15.
( = that’s two days in a row. not bad.)

I really wanted to go back to bed, but I didn’t.
( = stay in the fight.)

I continue to really want to go back to bed. I’m not tired, but my body hurts and I want to be somewhere quiet, dark, and comfortable.
( = your body and your brain both need rest.)

I have been having trouble eating – forgetting meals, “bad smell” or “bad feeling” days, no appetite, appetite unresponsive to food – but I continue to feel very hungry without having the motivation to prepare food or the desire to actually eat anything. The thought of eating makes me nauseous.
( = you’ll eat when you’re hungry.)

I think I have a rash, or some kind of skin mite infestation, because I’m breaking out in itchy red bumps. We might have bedbugs. I dealt with bedbugs while homeless and I am terrified to think I’ll have to go through that again. I am disgusted by my physical self.
( = disgust is a need for comfort in disguise.)

Nothing is comfortable today. My clothes feel itchy, my favorite blanket feels coarse and too warm, my body hurts. I can’t seem to sit or lay comfortably.
( = maybe a shower?)

Because of the voices, I really wish I had my headphones, but I loaned them to a friend a few days ago and he hasn’t returned them yet.
( = what you need will come to you in time.)

I don’t want to be around anyone because I’m afraid I might go off – start believing what’s being yelled in my head and get into an argument or say something I’ll regret – so I’m in my room, tossing and turning, reciting songs and stuff in my head to try and drown out the voices.

Going to try laying down again. I just need some peace and quiet.

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Can you listen to some music or audio without headphones?

It’s hard to quiet or drown out the voices without headphones, because I turn the music up VERY LOUD.

I don’t want to subject the rest of the household to my trashy taste in music, though.

Thanks for the response. I think I’m having a bad time in general. Just waiting out this swing and taking things as they come.

(I got my headphones back, yay)

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I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. Bedbugs suck, but as long as there are no small children in your house, you can use the good chemicals to actually get rid of them. Natural remedies never work. Make sure you use something with IGR so they stop reproducing. Now that you have your headphones, are you able to drown out the voices?

I’m going to channel Darksith and offer you a :rabbit: hug.

Hey cj. Sorry for the super-late reply. I haven’t been here for a while.

Well, we figure the only infestation site is our couch, which is no surprise – it’s very old and we got it from a neighbor who was throwing it out. Would have been nice of them to mention the possibility of bedbugs, though.

None of the kids are exhibiting bedbug-type bites, and I’ve checked all the mattresses, and haven’t found any nests. So that’s good. Still, we plan on getting those “good chemicals” and doing a thorough clean of the house in case any are lingering. And we hope to toss the couch this month and replace it.

But I am still having trouble with it. As I said, I dealt with these once before, and it was awful. I’ve realized I cannot get comfortable in the dark, because I “feel” (or imagine I feel) bugs on my body, and I get incredibly itchy. I can’t sleep if there’s a light on, though! I’ve injured my foot from scratching it so hard and so often. My arms and hands are all scabby. I am the only one affected to this degree (B has a couple of spots on his back and his arms but that’s all), so I think maybe I’m causing it myself, maybe I’m just overreacting to tiny sensations because I’m so scared it might be a bug. Just thinking about it makes me feel itchy all over. I think maybe I should see my doctor but I really hate going to the doctor, and I’m afraid she’ll be angry with me for scratching so hard / not seeing her sooner / missing appointments / whatever, so I am having a hard time talking myself into it.

And!! my phone broke a few days ago, and now will not turn on. So my main source of music is gone. The computer doesn’t recognize my headphones, and I can’t afford a new gaming headset this month. So no music, no headphones, voices get free rein for a while. Ugh.

What is IGR short for? I’ll have to look for it, thanks for the suggestion.

Sorry to be so whiny. This has been a rough month for me. I hope you’re doing well. Thanks again for your kind response.