That use to be a bit of a warning statement. You can’t run from your problems. They will still be there when you get back.
But I’m putting my own spin on it… I can set the argument… the problem on the back burner and it will still bere there when I get back. It won’t move on without me.
October has been a bit hard… I just hit a deep patch of apathy that would also swing into paranoia… I hadn’t been able to shake it. Got into an argument with my girlfriend and not feeling to happy about that… again… working through it.
Stuff was said that we both regret and it’s what happens in a relationship I’m told… good days and hard days… getting to know each other days… reassessing boundaries days…
There is a recurring issue that we’re working through. (it’s an issue that has nothing to do with my illness)
I was feeling so flat and detached… I hate that creeping wax build-up. I hit a deep patch of irritated apathy. I’m beginning to wonder if the wax build-up came on as my brains way of trying to insulate myself from the argument.
Only the wax was getting pretty thick and I was not feeling very connected these past few weeks. Even stuff that I should be happy about wasn’t getting through the wax. (Did better then expected on my Chemistry midterm… yet didn’t seem to care)
But the over this past week that wax coating of apathy and flatness and immobility finally began to melt. I feel so much better. It’s nice to be back to emotionally functioning again.
I did a bit of “fake it till ya make it” but I also got a bit deliberate with people and said… “I need to go let this go and not get involved.” - the anger management books have been giving me ideas how to get out of my apathy too.
As far as the argument with my girlfriend… the issue will be there forever. I just had to let her know… I understand her concern, but I can’t fight to change her mind… she can’t change my mind on this issue so we can let it go or feed it until it gets worse.
There are times we need to let go… walk away… and just go do something completely different. As to book says… what ever your putting on the back burner will still be there when your done with that calming walk or the meditative swim or that cup of coffee in the evening sunset…
When you get back… that problem will still be there… only hopefully it will be cooler and easier to handle.
Here is an open question for anyone with a significant other…
If there is an issue between you and your BF/GF/ spouse/ life partner… and it’s just one of those things that neither side can budge on…
how do you work around it? Do you just live with the fact that neither side will budge… or do you find that middle ground eventually?.. or other options???
There are things that hubby and I don’t agree on. A lot of things actually. We have been together for 4 years and it’s still a learning process on how to ‘agree to disagree’. It’s obviously a lot easier said then done since at least with me, the closer someone is to me the more I want the person to understand me and be on the same page is me. The reality is though that is not going to happen with everything as we are two separate individuals with different ideals.
It’s hard to keep the conversation calm when feelings are strong. We are working at it and getting better at it as time goes by. I think sometimes the best that you can do is take the time to listen to each other. Understand where the person is coming from. I find that works best with us. Sometimes my husband doesn’t understand why I think or feel or act a certain way about something and once I explain it he can understand why.
Sometimes there may not be an immediate solution. Perhaps as time goes by it will become something that can be worked around.
I feel this is definitely going to take some adjustment and time…
The issue between us is 11 years younger then me with red hair and can be just as over protective as I can be.
I do see my girlfriends point. She says that she feels there’s no room in the club. I feel sort of stuck on this one. My sis and my Gf do get along most of the time. But there have been situations that have been a hard adjustment for all three of us.
I wondered if this was the case… I’m sorry I have no words of wisdom. I can see both sides. Hopefully with time it will become a non-issue as everyone adjusts.
Thanks for giving it a ponder… her family has to get used to the idea of me in their daughters life… my family has to get used to her in my life…
I think we just need to change out the approach. It can be a little by little rather then a full head first dive in.
My GF has been setting my sis up on dates… Unchaperoned… which is normal I guess. I’ve been told I have to learn to let go… That sort of got me miffed.
She also wanted to come to a J preservation meeting… that got my sis miffed… poor GF has had a hard month. We’re working through it.
pondering this makes me think of poor bat girl. Adam West and Burt Ward had Batman and Robin down really well… but then they added Batgirl and even though she was good at what she did and was very much appreciated, she was never allowed into the bat cave.
This “problem” is going to go away eventually. Your sister is in control of her own life and she will decide eventually that she needs a partner of her own. but she’s only 17 right now so your girlfriend needs to be realistic and patient. Also, it’s up to you whether your GF comes to your meetings, not up to your sister. Why? Because part of your recovery is developing autonomy. You could, shocker, tell neither of them to come to the next one so they understand that you are not a pice of territory to battle over. You all need to work out your responsibilities and boundaries without actually arguing about it.
Finally, long-term happily married couples do have issues on which they can never agree. You know what they do? They deliberately avoid topics on which they can’t agree. It doesn’t fit today’s “let it all hang out” society, but apparently it works.
If I’m not being too bold, how long have you two been an item? If it is still early days maybe your gf is asking too much, too soon. On the other hand if its been a while, then why not include her more in the family stuff. Everyone has your best interests at heart but from different vantage points. You’ll figure it out, it just takes time and patience.
compromise…and respecting others point of view.
has helped me…’ i am not the oracle of all knowing '.
sometimes i hear a child say something or do something that is much wiser/profound than i could ever be.
we as sz can be very black and white in our thinking…
take care
p.s well done on the chemistry.
p.s i hope your kidsis is happy and everything is going well with her.
Well, maybe you girlfriend and sis should talk things over?
But-what would you like to happen? That`s the important question.
I hope time will smooth things over…
Would also just like to say that your family is probably very protective of you, and worry that anything might interrupt your treatment. Im saying this as a mom. Whenever my son starts talking about doing anything out of the ordinary, Right away I start getting worried that he will get into trouble again. I have to remind myself that he has his own life and has to make his own decisions, and wants to. Dont know if this helps.
We’ve been plutonic buddies for almost a year and the relationship side of this started getting serious in June. So about 5 months already.
Wow… thank you for that. It’s a question I didn’t even consider. I have to get out of the mind set that I have limited power in my life… because for a long time… The power in my life wasn’t my own.
Sometimes I do feel like everything is out of my hands.
But part of beating this is also taking some of that self power back.
Maybe the reason why this situation feels like it’s out of my hands is because I’m not sure what I want. I have some figuring out to do.
However after cooling off they may not be as daunting as they first appeared.