It really bugs me

I feel sick to my stomach when I see people on mental health forums talk about things like “If I could only get a partner my life would be so much better” and especially when guys say “I just want a sexy girlfriend”.

If you cannot even have friends, how are you gonna maintain a romantic relationship? How will having a partner make life better? I mean, I get that there are benefits, but it won’t cure your problems and if you expect it to, the relationship will be toxic.

And “I just want a sexy girlfriend” bugs me. Really, you don’t want a smart, cute, caring or loyal girlfriend? You just want one that looks good? Will anyone do? Will a cardboard cutout of Pamela Anderson do?


Even people with mental illness can handle a handful of people in their lives all the time. One of them can be a low maintenance partner, probably also with MI.

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I don’t believe a partner with MI can be low-maintenance.

I think a lot of the people I see wanting partners, are in reality just lonely. A few close friends, maybe even a best friend, would be more beneficial in the long run.

I’ve been with people who’ve expected me to single-handedly cure their loneliness and their problems.
And while “you’re my world” might be cute at first, it quickly becomes quite a burden knowing you’re someone’s entire support system

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Low maintenance as far as not needing to go out every day.

I only ever talk to my parents, for example, and when we get tired of eachother we just retreat into our own little worlds.

that might be a really good point u make, thanku.


I think a lot of people are busy searching for external solutions to their problems. But the problem is, external solutions don’t actually do more than mask the problem. The solution to loneliness is learning how to be at peace with yourself and live a life you are happu with. Then, others will want to be around you.

The problem with looking for another person to solve your loneliness is, like you said, it puts too much pressure on the person. Also, it is dehumanizing. Viewing a romantic partner as the solution to your problem means you are not viewing them as their own full person with their own wants and needs.


That said, it is very normal and human to want companionship. That doesn’t mean everyone is ready for it.


I too sometimes yearn for companionship.
But like you said, not everyone is ready for it.

I’m not.

I have too many things I still need to work on, and I don’t want to burden a partner with my problems.


You’re projecting

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I think there is a tendency to conflate the idea of a romantic partner with a full time caretaker. But that creates an unhealthy power dynamic in a relationship and means one person will never have their needs treated with equal importance to their partner’s needs. In a true relationship you have to be able to do the physical and emotional labor necessary to keep the other person happy. That means something different for each person, but it ALWAYS involves things you don’t want to do and wouldn’t bother doing if you were single.


Some people fall in love with the idea of “being in love”. We are all lonely at some point in our lives. I used to want a partner. But i also know what a bloody nightmare i am to live with. The rose tinted version of romance has long worn off, as far as im concerned.

Yes, and some frankly are needy enough - to confuse that person with being a carer. You should be happy with yourself first - before looking for that partner.


I don’t agree, idk why it bothers you, its a waste of time to be bothered about something like that, try and see the good init not the bad is all i can say

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What part do you disagree with? It bugging me when a person is thinking a partner will solve your problems, wanting a sexy partner, or wishing for a partner when the person is probably just lonely from not having friendships?

all of it, idk why you are wasting time thinking about it

Because it worries me.
I’ve seen how toxic relationships can turn when they’re started on those terms, and I don’t wish that on anyone.

I think those kinds of people are setting themselves and their potential partners up for a world of hurt, and I don’t like it one bit.

Yes but,

What are YOU going to do about it ?


some people have relationships, i’m not going to say what is right or wrong with this person or that, sometimes they just don’t work out, I wish they did, i wish we could all find true love

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I can’t do anything about it exept warn people.

On almost every “I wish I had a partner” thread on this forum you’ll see me speaking out against the dangers of settling for anyone just to avoid being alone.

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What’s wrong with being alone ?

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Nothing, that’s the point.
I see too many people thinking that because they’re lonely, they need a romantic partner, when in reality they might just need some more friends or closer friends.

i’d rather be alone than end up with the wrong person just because loneliness feels bad