I feel very blessed and fortunate my schizophrenia was all based on paranoid, peoples voices I heard in the general environment I was in, or based on tv shows or something I watched or CIA stuff. No murder, only saw a dead body once but that was because I started wondering why my psychosis was so friendly and that thought must have made something come out for like a nanosecond than went away. I feel so blessed when I hear what some of you guys have to go through with violent thoughts, dead bodys and stuff
No. And yes, I feel fortunate that I don’t have positive symptoms other than disorganized thinking.
It started out as violent and overtime became more frightening and full of anxiety. I still get violent due to the stress building up and allowing the voices to squeeze in and tell me what to do.
I’ve also been slowly kicking paranoia away. I can probably fully stop the problems once I begin some sort of treatment.
very violent imagery. very violent voices. not fun. xxx
Well…a lot of the content of the false or imagined memories I have was scary violent and really twisted…but a lot of it was refreshingly hilarious too. Like how I once believed I had been the inspiration for the movie Borat as I had memories of driving a truck across the Midwest with a stolen circus bear in the back and happened to run into a young Sasha Baron Cohen at a motel we were staying at. Where does this stuff come from??? I swear…so anyway at the motel we got drunk and had a bowling match down the hallway with toilet paper rolls as I sang the nation anthem of my homeland “They a’ don’t a’ have the toilet paper in Belugastan!”
Sorry…yes a lot of it was terrifyingly violent and scary…memories full of rape and murder and torture but I just can’t let it go as there’s some real classic stuff in them as well. But as far as my “virtual telepathy” experience that was rarely of violent content…nothing like commands to kill myself or others or anything like that.
The scariest thing for me is that I don’t know what I’ll end up doing if I get ill. I always feel in control, even when sick, but when I get better I realize how out of control I really was. That scares me.
My psychosis can get downright scary when it is mixed - it can get grandiose and euphoric when I am purely manic - it depends
Well I often feel like fighting people who bug me especially the confident ones but I am not a violent person and have never laid hands on anybody since I was 20 and half-jokingly choked a tormentor. I only scared myself for a couple weeks when I was 20 and living in Soteria House and I had extreme violence in my head that I had to fight against to not act out on. I had a very strong urge to attack someone. I was unmedicated. One thing I’ve never told ANYONE EVER is when I was in a counselors house from Soteria and saw a pair of scissors laying on a table and a voice told me to stab her with it. It was one single thought that I also fought against and it’s never happened again. But yeah, when I am driving on the freeway and someone gets on my tail of course the thought to retaliate crosses my mind.
mine is anger related, killing people, torturing people, mass murder…all the happy stuff.
My psychosis is the madman violent kind, so is one of my friend’s. It makes me feel like two different people- one who wants to destroy everything, one who in fact does not destroy but is a functioning member of society. I feel cursed. I feel like there are two realities and my brain switches back and forth between the two, leaving my mind confused at times. It can be draining.
Violent and scary, for sure. Voices saying horrible things, strong urges to hurt myself, paranoid thoughts and hallucinations that terrify me, even mundane things would become confusing and overwhelming. I often would find myself curled in the fetal position, rocking and crying because of the unbearable things going on.
Mine really only become scary and violent when I’m in an episode (triggered by being under high amounts of stress for too long). Outside of that they’re quite mild and even pleasant at times.
Mine have always been violent and scary. The only time I acted out was when I was younger, maybe 18. I was in the hospital and they gave me a shot against my will. I thought it was poison so I punched the guy. Needless to say I ended up in restraints. There have been many times where I wasn’t myself and came close to killing my mom, my cousin, and setting my animals on fire. I am so grateful for the small spark of sanity that was with me because it made me question doing such things. Because of what the psychosis wants me to do I do everything in my power to fight it. I do it all for my mom. The ECT, which is facing my number one fear every 6 weeks, and the meds, which have horrible side effects. If it wasn’t for the treatment I receive I would be living in an institution of some sort. I have seen some really scary things over the past 17 years and just when I feel like I’ve seen it all, my brain surprises me. I love my mom and I do it all for her.
jesus sounds like this is common. i wonder why violence is so common. scary movie society? i hate and never watch scary movies so maybe its been too long and my subconcious never thought about it for that reason. i was truly blessed
I haven’t gotten violent since my break. I think Lena told me to write “kill” in my blood on my bed. I guess I wanted to kill somebody, which is weird, but as usual I only ended up hurting myself.
I also feel fortunate I don’t have lots of violent thoughts,I had more of a problem with thinking but I believe it is a small problem which can be overcome,I think @cactustomato you had try hard for your condition just like everyone here,I hope all of us who had worked for improvement will have our hard work ripped into reward someday
Mine is changing…
When I was watching movies and filling my head with violent scary stuff… my psychosis was violent and scary. There were twisted creatures, tortured souls, screams of pain and cries for help … twisted circus music, dark skies, black oceans… other parts are too lurid to revisit.
But then when I started getting better and filling my head with more benign stuff… my psychosis became more benign. Still can get scary… but not as ugly and death threatening.
It’s been taking on a different flavor and it still throws me… but for some reason… I’m not tearing away from my consciousness like I use to.
I guess what they say is true for me… garbage in… garbage out.
its almost as if the psychosis takes our worst fears and sends them to our imagination without our consent
Mine used to be now its all going away
The nature of my psychosis was more disturbing than violent. I would become violent sometimes though, mostly because I felt in danger.
My senses would fluctuate constantly and I would hear and see things coming out of the dark. I would feel hands grab at me all the time and being around people physically hurt.
Worst of all was not feeling in control of my actions. It was as if something was controlling me. It was very scary. I often wonder what would’ve happened had I not gotten help when I did.