I texted with my sister about all my problems and then had more pep talk with my art instructor just a while ago…everyone seems to have a lot of ideas about what it takes to find happiness, but it is lost on me…even though I ignore feelings of loss over my career and past love relationships, it still whispers to me “you’re a failure in life you know?” I just don’t feel like there is significant reason for joy in my life…I am trying to do more and stay motivated and pray alllllll the time, but happiness, true happiness is for someone else I guess…maybe I should just be happy knowing there are others worse off than me…(sasha, cbbrown, and others on this board I know you’re suffering, I’m sorry!)
I’m sorry you’re struggling. Don’t minimize what you’re going through and say there are people that have it worse then me. I’m very happy right now, but I still struggle. My boyfriend is the main reason I’m happy. I got depressed the other night because I’m really struggling with anxiety from coming off of Seroquel. It hit me that I will always struggle. When I was 13 I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder, and it has been a long road. I thought that because I have fought for so long I would finally have well-deserved peace. To realize I will always struggle made me feel hopeless. You’ll pull through this, don’t stop fighting. 
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It seems to me that a lot of my happiness depends on my expectations. If I don’t expect a lot I don’t get disappointed. The hazard of that is that I accomplish very little. A lot of people throw the word happiness around without giving enough thought to what that word means. I guess we all think of it as a pleasurable feeling we can’t really define. A good place to look for happiness is in the simple pleasures - a nice dinner, a good movie, a good song, a long walk, a good friend, etc. Some of the ancient Greeks believed that happiness is the purpose of life, but most of them believed you should look for it in the simple pleasures. I don’t think you should place your personal happiness ahead of morality, so that you don’t do things like defraud people and steal from them - or worse.
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@crimby, I think you hit the nail on the head…I don’t find “pleasure” in almost everything I do…I did cut down from three to one pack a day, and I guess that accomplishment gives me pleasure? I also look forward to my sister visiting once a week, but that’s only going to last until she goes back to teaching during the year? I’m trying to find happier ground before her visits diminish so I don’t get in despair…I just gave a painting of a purple flower with yellow center that I did to my girlfriend today for her birthday…yes, I see what you mean…
@sungirl , I see what you mean too, it’s like “ok I beat that, now I should feel better?” My mother once said, “life is full of disappointments Michael, get used to it”…tough love I guess but it is true I think…
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I just felt the feeling of happiness a few days ago. It lasted less than a second.
However, it did last long enough for me to have a sudden flashback of what it was like to feel happy, but it did not last long enough for me to hang on to it, thus the memory and the feelings of happiness vanished once again.
This has happened to me one or two times per year.
In a way it’s a good thing that it vanishes, because if I could continuously remember what it was like to be happy in the past, yet not being able to experience such a feeling today, it would be unbearable.
First I need to be rid of my constant driven thinking.
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Don’t ever let anyone define you or happiness. As soon as you do, you are bringing yourself down. You are something nobody else can attain, because you are your own. Nobody can ever take that from you.
Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy, happy happy, joy joy! I’m getting myself ready for the possibility.
yes it is totally possible. I’ve been at times super depressed and thought it wasn’t but knew the keys to make happiness overflow, so I prayed and sought and watched for those things.
I have known others who were extremely unhappy and found happiness even after many years. I just went through 11 months of 90% hell and unhappiness from the time of my wifes death to meeting the one I love now.
yes…
take care
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Absolutely
Blessed be
I completely agree with @crimby. If I EXPECT the big house, the fancy car, the career that “might have been” I bet I could put myself in a tail spin pretty easily and start seeing my life as going nowhere.
But @jukebox, you and I have something in common… a family that likes us and interacts with us and is happy to have us around. That right there is a good first thing to focus on. You have a family who is on your side.
I know it’s a punch to the gut having this last relationship not work out. But you got to end it on OK terms… relationships pop up when we least expect them. So, your an artistic guy, and you have an outlet for your art. You might used your past architect training, mix it with your new art training and become the next Kandinsky.
Transition is hard in life. But instead of driving like jayhoo to the “goal” enjoy the ride where it takes you.
So I don’t have the big house and management job like my younger brother. But I also don’t have his spirit breaking boss, or his mortgage and debt. I let go of the “GOAL” and quit being unhappy with what I didn’t have, and became content with what I DO have.
I may not always be happy, but I think I’m pretty content. Family safe… roof over my head… simple job I like… time to heal and grow.
Read The Art of Happiness by the Dali Lama. My uncle gave me a copy, I have yet to read it because I keep doing other things.
According to Buddhism, suffering is a Universal Truth - At least this is what my therapist told me 
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Maybe you could take some kind of trip - see the Grand Canyon, or Niagra Falls, or something nearby that is interesting. There are things worth seeing all over the place. Maybe that would cheer you up.