Schizophrenia.com

Is this weakness

I can function, but today I gave in and obeyed them.

I lost something important and was told I had to suffer for it. I didn’t want to do the act but did anyways because I was threatened by them.

My friend seemed disappointed that I did what they told me to do. I am in a bit of pain but am safe. I am upset that I couldn’t beat them. I hate them and their stupid commands. Am I weak to give in?

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Who’s ‘them’ ? Voices?

Yes, they are the voices and intrusive thoughts.

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Overcoming them is where the work starts and is probably the hardest part.

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How often does it happen?

It might be a good idea to write down the times you give in , so you can give it to the doctors. Don’t keep it secret from your medical team.

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A few times. When ever I do something bad. I lost my credit card. That was pretty bad. I’d say once every two weeks but it has been getting better.

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I get so upset sometimes when Seraton (the angel with me) tells me how worthless and unlovable I am, and then describes ways that I should hurt myself. I do hurt myself sometimes (not nearly as often as I used to). One way I can sometimes avoid hurting myself is to use the adrenaline rush to do something else. Some benign physical act that will release the same energy. I’m talking about breaking something useless, hitting and/or kicking something…but you can find your own. It’s not weakness. The adrenaline rush and intense feelings are real. Be ready (try) with an alternative outlet. :heart:

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I will try to. I hate it because I didn’t want to do it. It just was a command that I blindly followed. Now my wrist is all burned up :frowning: . Okay, next time, I’m going to get my leather craft set up and go ham malletting in a art of some form. :heart:

It just hurts and reminds me that I couldn’t beat it this time. I hate being defeated :confused:

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That’s an awesome idea! All we can do is work on stuff, right? No sense compounding the pain with regret, self-loathing, or whatever. Each day is a new day. And in the 36 years since I was first attacked by demons, there hasn’t been a single day that wasn’t in some way a battle, but I’m here, and I’m doing so very much better than before. I win. We all win each day we fight for ourselves and keep trying.

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You are right. We are all like warriors. The finest warriors to trend this soil. We fight the hardest battles each and every day. Perhaps, we have some scars from our battles, but in the end, we are the strongest of them all.

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I lost to the voices myself this week already. I have a brand new scar in the making on my right calf from kicking through my trucks drivers side window. it was a response to the 4 inch centipede climbing it…the voices said it was an alien come to eat my brains and that the only way to kill it was with my right foot…11 stitches

Oh man that sounds really painful. The voices are so awful. I hate how they are so abrupt that sometimes it is hard not to act.

actually I didn’t feel anything until they stuck me with the needle to numb it…which is normal for me, I told them to just stitch with no injection, since I usually stitch me own cuts myself anyway, but this was pretty deep…they never listen.

Oh man, that’s pretty hard core I must say. I acid burned myself again. It hurts badly. My wrist looks like a dried raisin :confused:

okay that makes my injury seem pretty mild. Acid is no joke, I have an acid scar from college and it STILL causes pain sometimes, especially if I get something irritating on it like vinegar or bleach.

Acid is painful but it had to be done in my mind. I am used to acid burns. It is a bit of harsh one a but just from sulfuric acid.

Plus, I would never have the ability to stitch myself back up or get a stitch without an injection.

@Dremulf, @Sharp, I was going to write a few things but decided that nothing would be constructive. I wish there was another voice for both of you, and/or a self-preserving instinct that was louder and faster than the commands and urges to hurt yourselves so severely. I want you both to be safe. :heart:

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Thanks :heart: . I m working on getting less inclined to obey them. I can fight off some. I used to have one that would tell me to drive off the road and after one terrifying experience I told it NO and now ignore it. I’m safe now, I have a bandage and some 80s music. I will survive(even if that is a 70s song :slight_smile: ).

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Real strength is sharing a weak moment with your support group and leveraging that into future successes. I can’t begin to tell you how much respect I have for you – you’re just that awesome. Don’t let this little bump throw you off course.

:heart:

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