When I was 5 years old I seen the face of a ghost in the kitchen wall, it was an evil malevolent face. A old face of a man and is eyes staring right at me. It has stuck with me ever since. I remember being externally scared of the dark and being alone in my room after that point. My dad was an alcoholic and used to go to bed around 8am every night after his day drinking, I remember sleeping with him every night, I was never scared sleeping next to my dad. If I was sound asleep my mum used to carry me to my own bed when she went to bed, if I woke in the night I used to be absolutely petrified and it took much courage to run to my parents bedroom. I never had night terrors or sleep paralysis but was afraid for a reason I can’t explain.
I was taken into when I was 9 and although I was still scared I never felt the terror I felt in that house.
When I was 11 I was in a stable foster home and came down with the flu or something, I remember waking in the night and felt a presence in the room and then heard a evil deep growl right next to my bed, I ended up having a massive panic attack and screamed until my foster mum awoke and calmed me down. It felt like the roof was caving in.
Now this has had a extream effect on me, I am constantly thinking about it and the meaning to it. I do believe I have a guiding angel but am extreamly worried I have evil follwing me. This makes me scared and anxious writing about it and putting it into words. I’m not religious. It just concerns me and I become preoccupied by thoughts that evil is waiting for me when I die. I can’t touch the wall when I’m sleeping incase it grabs me.
I sometimes think I am chosen for something special even when taking antipsychotics. Hearing that growl is nothing like when I heard Buddha speak to me 3 years ago. I think seeing that face in the wall must be real because what 5 year old is schizophrenic at that age?
Do you think this was the start of my illness or contributed to it? Apart from those two instances it’s the only negative thing I have experienced. Hearing Buddha has been a good experience. Do you think they are both related?