Is my pdoc mandated to report this

I won’t go into a ton of detail but something happened while I was out and about.

I came across someone with children who alluded to the idea that they were afraid of their SO. To be clear, this person never explicitly said they were afraid. Not for themselves and not for their children. That was solely my impression. And they never said any physical abuse was happening. I looked for evidence of physical abuse on her and the children but could not see any.

Despite this, I’m still worried. I’ve already confirmed with others that they at least saw me talking to this person, so I know the person was not a hallucination. But I have no idea if the conversation I think I had actually happened and I have no way to check.

Now I desperately need help processing the whole situation. But I worry about the repercussions of talking with pdoc about it.

So lets assume that everything really happened. If pdoc alerts authorities and they get involved, I have reason to believe the system where I am from could potentially do way more harm than good. Harm to everyone involved, including me and the children.

But if we assume that I am misremembering the conversation as I sometimes do, I worry that I may get into legal trouble if she is required to report.

So I want to know if I tell pdoc about this, is she mandated to report this to police or our version of CPS even though she didn’t personally witness any of it?

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We say, “Not my circus, not my monkey.” Especially since you saw no signs of abuse. I would not choose to get involved also because you’ve doubted conversations before. Relax and let the cards fall where they may.

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Good advice.

I’d like to talk to pdoc about the levels of anxiety this is causing. You think I am safe to do so?

I feel like I need to process this since it brings up lots of PTSD stuff for me:/

That said, I will figure out a way to process it on my own if it’ll make things worse though.

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I think it would be alright to talk to your pdoc about it. This is exactly the type of conflict that bothers we szs a lot and he might have some good advice.


I will talk with her about it. Thank you @chordy

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I am a mandated reporter. I have to report when someone tells me they witnessed, perpetrated, threatened, have a specific desire to commit, or were the victim of child abuse. Someone telling me they are worried about their friend’s partner being scary would not make me report. But if you are nervous you can ask your pdoc in hypotheritcals like “if someone told you X, would you have to report it or not?” They will be honest with you.


Well two ways of looking at it. From what you described, you really have nothing to go on but a hunch.

On the other hand there’s that old saying, “Better to err on the side of caution” and report this, just in case.

How well do you know this lady, if at all?
Again, two choices: You can mind your own business or you can talk to her again and kind of “feel her out” and see if anything is suspicious.

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Welp. I think I opened a can of worms. I already sent an email to pdoc telling her what happened. I suppose I will wait to see if it warrants a report from her. If it does, then I will trust her judgement and help to support any way I can.

No worms should be opened, based on what you said.

I mean, tbh Starlet says he is scared of Mr. Star sometimes. Not because he has ever been abusive or even alluded to abuse. Just because he is the one who plays “bad cop” and enforces punishments/discipline. Kids say they are afraid of their parents all the time.

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I do not know this person at all. I offered help for something unrelated and that’s when I was told about the SO.

I agree with erring on the side of caution.

Seeing as I’ve already sent the details to pdoc, it might just be out of my hands. If she reports, I will do my best to help. Hopefully if it comes to that, authorities will handle the situation with care.

I didn’t want to provide many details. But I will say this.

The words “[SO] already told me [they’d] make my life a living hell” are in that email because it’s what was said to me.

Worms may be involved.

The kids didn’t mention being afraid. It was the adult with them that I thought was afraid:(

This is very loose and open to interpretation. We arenct required to report unless the threats are specific and actionable.

Example of threats that would not require me to report

  • you will regret it if you leave me
  • I am going to drill a hole to the earth’s core and drop you into it so you melt in lava
  • I want to shoot you into space
  • sleep with one eye open

Example of threats I would be required to report

  • I am going to kill you and make it look like an accident
  • if you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about
  • I’m going to poison your food
  • I will beat your ass so hard you don’t remember what day it is

These are just examples, but hopefully you would be able to see where your words fall in that.

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These are incredibly helpful examples. I think it should be okay then. No specific threats were mentioned. And whether or not making ones life a living hell is actionable is arguable.

This makes me feel like there’s a much higher chance of being able to talk through as opposed to something that will definitely be reported immediately.

I may still report it but I think it’s important that I do some reality checking before making any moves.

I could seriously screw up someone’s if I was just hallucinating during a regular conversation.

Thank you very very much ninjastar.

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