I still question myself about the time which this will take me. I am also afraid that i can never recover.
But my ass has an interest to recover one day, cause if my mom dies, ill be mega alone… I wont even have the possibility to whom to talk in the day. Dont blame me that it depends on me… My illness is not so severe but quite disabling for the every day life…
17 years of passivity behind me and even - symptoms since kid. Its a bad prognosis. Can i make it in the next 5 years or even this is still too few after 17 years? 
… i know, its a dumb question, but i cant imaging to die like this. With just my symptoms and nothing else…
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Keep your mind active. That way when you recover, you can be better prepared.
But isnt it exactly my intellectual degradation which causes my suffering still?
On the other hand, nowadays, i have too much fear in my soul about almost everything. Maybe this stops me to feel better,no? Cause if i am bad because of my “dead” brain, i really am not sure that ill recover…
People with intellectual disabilities have friends.
I’m scared of leaving my house at times too. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and say ‘■■■■ it’ . I know it’s hard but if you take some time out of your day to leave the house, even if its for 5 mins, youre accomplishing something. Keep a journal, and each day write down a reason to leave the house the next day. You’d be surprised how far you’d go.
I don’t know what you’ve tried, but the thing that worked for me to reduce anxiety dramatically was drinking a gallon of ionized water a day. Every day I felt better and better, until I’m here two weeks later with much less head pressure and anxiety. If this keeps up for a month, I’ll be 70-80% functional by the end of it. I still take antipsychotics though, so I’m not saying this is a total cure.
If you are interested, you can buy ionized water from a nearby water store for a few bucks per 5 gallon jug refill. You’ll still have to buy the pump and water jug, which are a total of $30-40, one-time.
If you’re at the end of your rope, this is worth a try. Just make sure the water is 9.5 pH, and that you don’t drink it less than 30 minutes before or after a meal, or you’ll feel nausea.
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