I don’t have thoughts, I just see people in my imagination instead of having one of my own. I don’t really have an imagination anymore, any thoughts I do receive are basically sort of “fed” to me, and I have to comply with certain demands to feel stable again.
It’s not that difficult, just feel a little guilty sometimes with it. I’m still detoxing from Abilify. I’m doing fine without prescription drugs, was doing fine without them before. I don’t know why I started - doctors were just trained to deploy meds into a person that suffer from psychosis. It was my first episode and the meds caused more episodes.
Never again.
1 Like
Thanks for all the answers.
I’m not sure I want to go off meds anymore.
Maybe just reduce the dose.
With the current dosage I don’t feel much drive to do stuff and my mind is “blank”, no creativity.
Maybe reducing it will do it. I’m also afraid of being hospitalized.
I would have edited the OP, but I perceived it couldn’t be done.
2 Likes
When I went off meds over the summer I thought the same thing. I told my parents, my therapist, and my pdoc that I could control everything and that I was fine. One month later, I was being driven to the ER by my father because I was having a catatonic episode and had to be admitted to an inpatient unit to get stabilized and back on meds.
My advice, stay on meds. Talk to your pdoc, adjust the dose if you have to, change the meds if you don’t like the side effects. But try you’re absolute best to not stop them abruptly. Talk to your pdoc first.
These are my 2 cents.
3 Likes
Talk to your pdoc about this.
When I reduced my dose I felt much better.
I definitely want to try without meds. I admit, im scared as hell but i must try. Its the only way to find out the truth…do i need meds or not. I only had 1 episode. 1,5 year ago. I had symptoms for months before but it was not that bad. But psychosis sucked. And that is what i fear that i will get psychotic again, i dont mind few symptoms here and there though i can manage that.
Im currently on a low dose. My pdoc lowered my dose to eventually get me off meds. Ive been on a low dose for 4 months now im doing pretty good. Hope i can get off meds in 6 months.
1 Like
I’m doing fine off of meds. My psychotherapist says I am “high functioning” and I do well in public, for the most part. I sitll deal with pain & zombie-like energy levels when in public, and even in private on certain days, but I am recovering from these meds.
I’m hoping that by the start of next Spring I will be in a really good position to start exercising outdoors again and doing more personal, solo therapy stuff - which I already am busy doing.
1 Like
Hey man, I respect how you feel because that’s how I felt last May. But I advise you not to go off your meds abruptly. Like I said in my last post I thought I could do it and I couldn’t. I was on a controlled dose for 4 years, and after a month of being med free I had a severe psychotic relapse. I’m not saying the same will happen to you, but it could.
Talk to your pdoc first. Don’t go med free on your own.
1 Like
That is a good idea. I feel amazing after reducing my dose a few months ago. I have energy and a sex drive again. And I can still think clearly.
When I wasn’t taking meds, I knew my delusional thoughts were delusional, but the panicked feeling was too strong to ignore. I knew it was crazy to be so freaked out over delusions, but I couldn’t control my reaction even with insight. In the end I decided to go back on meds so I could still function. But I had damaged myself from going off my meds, so I needed a much higher dose and I had to add another med.
Whenever we go off meds, it is less likely that our original med and dose will work the second time around. I am now almost back to my original dose, but I don’t know if I will ever get all the way back down.
1 Like
I think this completely depends on how you were at the peak of your psychosis. Were you completely convinced that you were right? Prior to becoming medicated, I was 100% whole heartedly convinced that SOMEONE wanted to take my life. Why? I couldn’t logically reason it out, and yet I was still totally convinced. Your delusions or hallucinations sometimes BECOME your reality. Please, just be careful. I wouldn’t wish the fear I felt on my enemies, prior to medication.
1 Like
Thanks for your advice. Im on the lowest dose possible, i cant lower it any further so the only option is to stop taking it. My pdoc agreed at least back then when she lowered my dose, im still a few months away from going med free.
What med were you on and at what dose did you stop taking meds?
I was on Cloziril and Topamax. I don’t remember the exact dose. It was low but not the lowest. I hope you’re able to be med-free in the future though! Just do it safely!
Thank you for your wishes and support. 
Forgot to ask. What was your relapse like? You can pm me if you dont want to talk about it in the open 
Well because my d/x is schizoaffective d/o the first thing that began is I became extremely manic. I told my family that I found the key to human enlightenment and I was going to transcend into the fourth dimension. After about the second week the mania became extremely dark. I was awake for about 3 days at a time and when I slept it was only for 2 hours. I was having constant visual and auditory hallucinations and my paranoia was at the worse it ever has been. Then at the one month point, everything became so severe and at a very intense morning that I don’t really want to talk about, my muscles began seizing and I started to go catatonic. My dad had to drive me to the ER to admit me into an inpatient unit to get stabilized and back on meds.
The whole time I thought I could control it, but until that morning and when my muscles started seizing, and the things I was hearing. I was begging to go to the hospital. I still occasionally have flash backs from that morning. I never realized how ill I was, and how much I need medicine until then.
1 Like
Sounds terrible. Glad you are ok now. So you had insight right to the end. I wish id have it too if id relapse. I read that someone was told here by his pdoc that the first time you have an episode you dont realize its sz, but when it heppens second and a third time you know. I hope this is true.
Did you realize you were in a psychotic episode the first time it happened?
1 Like
yeah, i thought everything were real.
but then again, i didnt know i psychosis was a thing
yeah, i do it every day, the medication is what controls it i guess
When it’s in turbo mode, no.
1 Like
I’d say this is sort of possible, since some people keep their delusions and hallucinations very much to themselves and barely act on them. I was like that in my first episode. Accordingly, no one found out something was wrong with me during these 8 months. And I wasn’t isolating that much, was still going to university etc. I just didn’t tell anybody about my ‘telepathic powers’. I’m sure the trained observer might have noticed something, but how many of these do you encounter when you do not act wildly out of control?
But it was an immense struggle to get through each day. Why would one choose this pointless, and unnecessary fight if one has the choice? All these fears, feelings of guilt, shame, threat etc. that come with it when insight is lost, such can all be avoided. And the flipside of not telling and keeping it to yourself, is that you are very, very alone. I cannot see what is attractive about such a life. And even though I think noticing that may help to preserve insight, even with insight, fears etc. will be less, but there is just no point in this way of fighting to remain sane to me. Struggling all day and ending with what you already had - at best - or losing it all, at worst. What is there to be gained? I must admit there is a tendency in me to think one can think oneself out of psychosis. To see it as an intellectual puzzle. This is a sick thought, and hubris, for sure. And even if it is true, the question to me remains, what is there to be gained by such a way of life, even if one succeeds, is it not just intellectual masturbation?
3 Likes
you’re right.
what i thought would be gained:
no more the label “sick that need meds”, just a condition that i get through
hoping i wount get psychotic if i go off meds
trying to visit psychosis again after knowing i have sz so maybe its different
food for thought, subjects to write lyrics about
no more blank mind boredness
but yeah, i think its not worth it.