Is it ironic - diagnosed while studying Psychology?

I think it’s ironic how I got diagnosed with schizophrenia when I went to college to be a psychologist. I had always enjoyed Psychology and learning the meaning behind people’s thoughts and behaviors. I had heard stories of my grandfather who was also schizophrenic and it started my fascination with psychology.

But while I did notice things were happening to me, I did not think they would lead to my imminent psychosis. I thought I was like one of those medical students who thought they had everything in the book, so I ignored my symptoms and figured they would go away in time. But they started getting worse and I before I knew it I was in the psychiatrist’s office getting the news.

I couldn’t believe it honestly. I’m a psychology student, surely I would’ve known about my own state of mind. But looking back I couldn’t deny that I had become rather delusional. Since then my life has felt like a series of ironic twist. I turned into the kind of person I wanted to help and found myself on the opposite end of psychology.

I don’t see how Elyn Saks does it. I read her book and she had it worse than me, yet she became a professor and everything. I want to eventually do that myself and try to learn more about psychotic disorders. Then maybe I could find a better solution to this crummy illness, or maybe even a cure.

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When I started getting depressed in high school I became interested in philosophy. That led me to the general idea behind philosophy which led me to an interest in psychology. Though I never did anything with that interest. I’ve always been more interested in computers/engineering/physics.

When I was interested in it, I started to realize how much I strayed away from what was considered normal by other people. I never saw any problem with this, only that it made me unique and that’s a good trait to have these days. Despite as much as I’ve learned, the idea that I’d been developing SZA really never occurred to me until I had to go see a psychiatrist and therapist.

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i believe anything is possible when we put our minds to it, (even if it is broken) x

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What a lovely saying. I really like this.

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