"Is it a dream or a memory?"

I’ve heard some people say that those who fail to plan… plan to fail.

But I just can’t plan that far ahead. I’m wondering if it’s the fact that I’m at a fork in the road. I’m still in school. It’s working for now, my grades are better then I expect of myself and why not see where this path can lead. But there are other options coming up as well. So two different paths… ?

For so long I’ve just been floating around pretty happy with myself for just getting through my day, I was in the passenger seat for a lot of my life. But part of getting better is getting control of what is happening to me.

It’s not my doc’s and my parents decision it’s MY decision. That is a bit scary, taking responsibility for my own actions after being told for so long that I’m not mentally capable of doing so. Hospital and doc words, no my families. Our prognosis is dang bleak. So what happens when it’s bleak no more?

My sis stood up when she was 13 and made the declaration that SHE was going to be the one to take care of me. She was going to get a duplex and live in one side and give me a place to live in the other, and SHE was going to be the one who looked over me when Mom and Dad were no longer around.

But now I’m better, and I’m learning how to take care of myself. So what does that do to the laser focus of my sisters plans?

I’m glad I had the help I did, and ended up in the hospital that could get me to stop talking to my feet. But after so long of being told I have diminished capacity, only to find that as I heal, I have plenty of capacity and plenty of know how, I just need a tiny bit of help here and there… I’m sort of left wondering.

I didn’t plan for getting better. My life was out of my hands… now that it’s IN my hands… what do I do now?

So I’m figuring it out as fast as I can. The waves are taking me a bit where they want, but I’m trying to direct my board better and land where I want to.

All a learning curve.