Wow sounds pretty intense. Were u able to maintain healthy relationships with your loved ones.
Hey, sorry youāre going through this right now. It sounds like you at least recognize that these beliefs are false, which is a good thing. I know it doesnāt make them any less scary, and it doesnāt stop you from believing them, but it means you have some insight into your illness. Grab onto that insight. Seek out a doctor, and try to get on medication that can manage your symptoms.
I struggle with the belief that I am a demon who sucks the life force out of others. I know itās crazy, but sometimes I still believe it. Medication helps me. It also helps to talk out my beliefs rationally with members on this forum. They can usually help me see that I am wrong.
The feeling of being infected with thoughts that are terrifying or disturbing is called intrusive thoughts. I get them. Actually, every human being on earth gets them. Itās just a common glitch in your brain. Most people can take those random disturbing thoughts and just dismiss them as random nonsense. But some of us get too disturbed and fixated on them, and then they start happening all the time, instead of just occasionally. They usually take the form of whatever youāre most afraid of or disgusted by. For example, I fear hurting my loved ones, so I sometimes get graphic violent thoughts about them being hurt.
The trick with intrusive thoughts is to just let them happen. When they happen, tell yourself it is a perfectly normal part of being human, and let the thought drift through your head without paying attention to it. Then, it will go away on its own. Over time, they will happen less and less, because you will be less afraid of them. This is a lot harder than it sounds, but it works amazingly!
Iām not in on it. The only thoughts I can read are my catās, and thatās only because she either wants treats, catnip, or to sleep on my lap. The only things I know about you are what you choose to share here.
I can tell you that Iām a diagnosed schizophrenic. That Iāve had this illness for just over 25 years. That I have delusions of being able to pick up the thought broadcasts of aliens living on Earth. The fear that they can read my thoughts. The belief that they have used nanotech to reanimate the corpses of the dead to pass as human and do their dirty work in preparation for colonization of the planet, etc.
I can also tell you that other people have similarly disturbing delusions and hallucinations about a variety of topics, like what you feel and believe. Finally, I can tell you that this can be controlled through medication and therapy, and one can have a normal, productive life after. Even a happy one (I am!).
Welcome to the forums! Share this with your doctor and follow the medical advice and treatment you are given. Things will improve.
Iāve believed I was God for some time when I was first diagnosed. Iāve also believed that I made a conscious choice to become the Devil. Iāve thought of myself as Satan before which now looking back on it makes no sense because Iām not all that bad of a person. Iāve tried to come up with convoluted reasons why I still might be the devil, like believing I was the bringer of light like Lucifer and that I was a form of innocent evil or pure evil. However, it really makes no sense whatsoever and Iām glad I donāt really believe in either one anymore. I still wish I was going to become someone powerful when I die but thatās the only nagging belief I have about it.
As far as wanting to sleep for forever when I die, I desired that when I was full blown psychosis when I was believing these things about myself. I think it was just me being exhausted from listening to the voices and fighting my daily battle with SZ. I donāt want that for myself anymore, I just want to be content when I die now.
Well I became homeless for 7 months as I thought they were in on it. I was unwell you know. Iām much better now. Back to normal. Iām kind of ashamed at the whole episode to be honest. Itās just so weird.