I also still hate meds and wish they had never given them to me. I wish they had truly helped me, by talking to me, helping me solve my problems. I believe that without pills and with help I would have been healthy now and wouldnt have needed pills and had a higher quality of life.
So I understand you. I am so sorry for what you went through. Did you try psychotherapy with someone who knows how to work with psychosis? And EMDR?
For me it is not possible to live without meds right now, id get terrified and depressed and do weird dangerous stuff like stop eating and drinking. I cant care for my son. But if I could live decently without, I would do that. I chose to be on a lower dose and except that I have some symptoms, because I am more alive and connexcted like this.