Trigger warning -drug and alcoholic talk
AA/NA-went last night for the first time in years.
Never felt so welcomed anywhere in my life.
Quite contrary to the last times I went they couldn’t comment on anything besides how I looked “too young for these meetings”.
Well granted I looked like I was 17 years old. I was really around 26 or 27 the last time I went to an anonymous meeting.
But in truth I wasn’t ready, I really needed to self medicate more as well as decimate my life more before I did reach a favorable “rock bottom”
It is indeed a shame how society treats addicts. The stigma is the worst.
I think of it as more as “people who self medicate illegally”. And addiction is mostly a result of a messed up system that pins the user against the drugs and society by breathing ignorance into their use of misunderstood substances, only creates more problems. And it’s obvious to me drugs should all be legal. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have an individual responsibility to treat my addiction problems. It may have been created by external factors quite a bit . But it’s still my responsibility to see past this problem.
Well they always said they’d be there if I need them anyways. So it’s good they’d say that.
It’s not like I use drugs or drink often at all anyways.
But when I do it creates problems. I definitely have a track record.
Well let’s say I was trying to smoke weed once a week. Then it changes to twice then 3 then buying it and smoking all day every day again.
So it’s a problematic pattern even if not the very worst.
So yesterday was my first day after a weed binge completely sober. So decided to walk to an aa meeting. I figured I have nothing to lose. Worse case scenario it doesn’t work out and I’m back to smoking weed here and there. But tbh the meeting stimulated my mind better than a cup of joe and a cigarette. But that’s not the healthiest thing. Or a line of ketamine for that matter… I mean that’s an escape so it’s def not perfect. Neither is AA perfect or society but it’s def a step in the right direction I assume. But it sounds cliche but I didn’t feel so alone anymore. And neither alone with my thoughts.
Went to bed so anxious but woke up refreshed.
An old timer who I always looked up to ive been texting with. He told me to go to a lunch meeting with food today at noon. I’m gonna go and walk there.