I can no longer remember what happiness feels like, everything but sadness seems to have abandoned me.
I drift through life feeling nothing but pain, there is no end to my sadness, the depths it has reached within me, there are places within me that my sadness has found that I did not know exists.
About the only thing that gets me through my day now is the very real hope of better meds which might just be around the corner. Meds like min-101 which treat negative symptoms and therefore negativity.
There’s always hope, no matter how bleak things seem right now.
i felt that way for a long time, and although i wouldn’t say i have true happiness now, i’m not a walking blob of pure sadness anymore.
i like your hair, btw. i’m going on a year in a month.
how old are yours?
You see, I do not share that hope as I am not blind to the business that psychiatry is. Unfortunately, for them to keep making money, there can be no effective treatment or cure. I will not take a medication that does nothing but destroy my brain in the hopes that it will also suppress some of my symptoms.
There is no getting better, there is no way out, and that is why hope is non-existent - at least for me.
Thank you for the kind words though, they are always appreciated! Perhaps when money is not all that is significant to the human race, they’ll finally develop the right medications.
Well that’s definitely something, I’m glad you’ve come that far! Ah thank you, they are actually my second set (I had the first for 1 year and 4 months) and they are almost one year and seven months old now!
Can you volunteer at a soup kitchen or food pantry? Isolation is not your friend; you need to do something to at least begin to lay a foundation that will hopefully lead to a meaningful life.
Another issue of mine, I absolutely despise the human race. Isolation is my friend, they say that isolation is bad for your mental health but I have found that people are bad for mine. The more people I avoid, the better.
My problem is that I see the world for what it is, life is meaningless, nothing more, nothing less.
Our brains do not physically self-destruct because of our illness, over time the functionality of my brain and the severity of my symptoms may very well worsen due to my illness. However, it will not destroy my brain in the way that medication will, I am not losing my intelligence, I am not being a mindless zombie.
i despise the human race as well… i’ve been isolating myself more than i used to, and also feeling more paranoid around people, let alone groups of people
i understand seeing the world as worthless, and i don’t correlate that with hating myself and everyone else at all, or depression, i think that just means you see the true colors of it all, since i was young i’ve always thought about suicide bc of how disgusting people are, bc of the pain and sadness, the tortured animals, murder and diseases.
but i don’t think that way bc i’m sad and mentally ill i think that way bc i have so much empathy. and emotions for others. so maybe i am not sz
Actually my intellectual abilities highly improved after medication.before medication i was pretty dumb now i m trying to study computer programming while i working.before medicine i was even cant read 2 page without distraction.but high dopamine very nasty buster.it has illusion that think you are smart but in fact your brain slowly diminish while you think you are enough smart to find the meaning of life.so be careful honey.
I used to be in your shoes. My life was basically despair and suicide looked like a viable option. It usually does when you have no future. Here’s what I’ve learned in the past couple of decades…
I had a fantastic future waiting for me.
Joy and happiness are possible.
The meds don’t destroy your brain – I’m functioning as well as I ever did in many respects, better in others. (By that I mean I can pass as a high-functioning normie.)
Meds are the foundation of long-term recovery. Whatever smaller problems you will encounter on SZ meds do not compare to the massive problems you will experience without them. In fact, people who refuse treatment for too long often permanently damage themselves.
A positive, recovery-oriented attitude will carry you over the rough patches you can get stalled in otherwise.
My 2 cents as someone who has been dealing with SZ for a quarter century, mostly successfully.
I’m heading downhill in some ways. The future looks grim. But after spending the entire eighties in hospitals, psyche wards, group homes, including an 8 month stint at 21 locked up in the hospital. I am fairly happy now. Things change. I’m not minimizing your pain, I’m just trying to give you a little hope. At least you have good looks and probably more confidence than I have. I’ve done virtually everything in my life with no confidence and almost average looks. Life is weird that way. Things change.
I beg to differ. You would not be saying that if you were ugly. Good looks will get you into a lot of doors that the average person would not have the opportunity for. You are correct to an extent, looks aren’t everything but they sure are a lot in some areas of life.
Scientific studies show that people think that good-looking people are nicer, smarter, and friendlier than average looking people when they meet them or see them in public. Schizophrenic is the great humbler and leveler of the sufferers but after spending 35 years in the mental health system and observing the way things operate, in homes and hospitals and stuff, the good looking patients enjoy more advantages than the average Joe. I know it’s more complex than this but this is my observation.
Ah I see where you’re coming from now, I apologise for my short reply. Without a doubt it certainly has its benefits. Also, you’re right about your observation, as wrong as it is, the majority of people do treat others differently simply based on their appearance. Another one of the many reasons that humans disgust me.
I’m not medicated, @Hybrid, and I relate to your sorrow. I feel that way a lot too. I’ve stopped chasing happiness because it’s too elusive. And I don’t hope for recovery because I’m old now and don’t even know what that means anymore.
But I do strive for satisfaction in my daily life, and victory over the most damaging aspects of this condition.
My job is helping high school students with learning and emotional problems. By focusing on them and helping them, I’m drawn out of myself and there’s some satisfaction in giving. There’s a purpose found in helping others.
I went through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and that gave me some victory over the most abusive aspects of sz. It’s a work in progress.
Hope is something conjured, created and worked for. It’s fleeting at times, but getting it back is a matter of focus.
You’re young and there’s so much ahead for you. You’re going to have some wonderful times in this life, just like I have. It’s not all bad.
my meds help but they don’t cure it because it’s hard to outsmart an alien. that being said I think schizophrenia meds should be sold over the counter like aspirin. I hope you’re not suicidal as sadness and depression is what usually leads to suicide. people fear sadness more than death it seems. what makes people sad well “when the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace” or to not sugarcoat it losing a pleasure.