For a very long time I’ve been told I am intimidating and when I was in the ward, the girl who was there for fighting told me she wouldn’t want to fight me. I am not aggressive in the least. In fact, I typically don’t feel anger to a degree where I ever voice anything, and I’ve never physically got into a fight with anyone. I think I’ve gotten very good at bottling anger and releasing it, whether that’s a memory issue or not, isn’t the point.
The thing is, this didn’t just happen with my peers. When I was in highschool, I had a mohawk which was clearly against the rules. Other people got in a lot of trouble for having mohawks. I was constantly breaking dress code, like not wearing my ID or tucking in my shirt, but I never once got in trouble for anything. It literally seemed like the teachers were afraid to confront me on anything.
Now, I remember once in class I was laying down my head during a video because I was very close to having an anxiety attack, because I think the video was discussing people who experienced near-death experiences and glimpsed “heaven” and it really bothered me for some reason. The student teacher, not my actual teacher, told me to pick my head up and instead I bolted from the class and ran around the school like a mad man. I even ran outside to get fresh air, because I was shaking so bad, before heading to the counselors office.
I think it has something to do with my resting face, which looks angry all the time.
But that didn’t stop two of my teachers from really liking me. One of them told another teacher that he would have been proud to have me as a daughter. That was quite a compliment, because I was a really good student, and I seemed to be the only one who enjoyed his sense of humor.
Unfortunately, I was sent to the ward shortly after and one of the two teachers ended up crying over me having to drop out. I always wanted to get in touch with them but I don’t know how. I want to let them know I’m okay, because I certainly wasn’t the last time they saw me.
I strayed from the point.
The point is, nobody ever told me anything about my behavior! I never got reprimanded for anything, ever. When I was in the ward, one of the kids told me my breath stunk (we just got out of breakfast and my breath clearly smelled like pancakes, ew) and having been reserved my entire stay there but boiling with anger, I finally exploded “F*** You!” And my tech and all the nurses kind of jumped backwards and stared at me with their mouths open, like they hadn’t ever expected such a thing. I apparently scared the ■■■■ out of everyone because everyone got really quiet and the boy who had insulted me got really close to tears after I stormed away and he tried apologizing, and like ten seconds later I was chill again like normal and forgave him and said to never say anything like that to me again.
Nobody ever addressed my outburst either.
Is there something wrong with everybody else? Why doesn’t anybody confront me on my issues???