I do think I have the sexual dysfunction side effect from Risperidone. I haven’t felt anything sexual since I started taking it, and today I was curious. Even when I’m really depressed and not getting randomly aroused, I can still always get myself off, so I gave it a try. But it was like there was nothing there, like I didn’t really have a crotch or anything that would be responding, there was just nothing. Felt more like an awkward exercise and I felt more inclined to take a nap. So that was that, I think I have the side effect.
Thing is I don’t really mind. It’s like a bunch of weights off my back, to be an “asexual” being. No more caring about what men think of me, which has everything to do from my social anxiety to shaving my legs just to try to be 1% more attractive. And my body will no longer be randomly bothering me. It’s like a hunger, that you have to take care of, it’s mostly annoying. Not to mention how it affected me psychologically and my decision making. I’ve noticed for example that I’ve stopped wearing my hat when it’s hot out, because who gives a ■■■■ about how men think I look anymore. I have no interest in them that way.
Plus I was raised in a hardcore Evangelical environment, which sunk its claws deep into my subconscious mind. There’s something sort of romanticized about seeing myself as a battle-hardened maiden. I’ve never had sex and now I probably never will, I’m above it now, above primitive, mortal things. Dramatic, I know, but it’s kind of like that.
I had to really stop and think about it, though, to be sure. Took me several minutes to wade through my thoughts and reach a conclusion. I think my sexuality has brought me nothing but misery since I hit puberty. It gives me low self-esteem, makes me self-conscious, makes me conflicted. There’s something really liberating to me personally about being genuinely asexual all of a sudden. Like now I am just a creature, a being, and no longer have human complications clinging to me.
So I guess for me it’s more like a good thing than a side effect. But I figured I would be honest that it did happen, so there’s not this false impression than Risperidone has been a 100% flawless miracle for me. Well this, and the farting lol.