In Search of Praise

I find that I take indifference to my work very painful. To give an example, I just finished a song in the studio a few weeks ago that I had spent a month-and-a-half on.

I forwarded a copy of that song by email to 12 people. All family and friends. I have done this on several occasions, and if I’m lucky one person will respond with a two-word answer like “good song”. The odd time someone will write a paragraph if the song resonates with them.

I struggle with not getting angry, because I understand that everyone has a life of Their Own. But if someone sent me a work of art that they had spent six weeks on creating, I myself wouldn’t be so rude and callous as to not respond when someone has sent me a piece of their soul

Or… Am I having unrealistic expectations, seeking praise and attention from others. Being dependant on others’ view of me, rather than valuing myself.

I Believe In The Motto, write to express, not to impress. That one I’m in on, Whole Hog. It’s the sharing part that can be difficult, it feels like rejection sometimes


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I think you have a valid reason to be miffed. I know it’s not hard to take it personally. To be frank, if I was you, I’d be highly outraged because I get offended when friends and loved ones shrug off my efforts at things I enjoy or are important. So no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. A lot of the trouble is the fleeting sense of conscience that comes from today’s social media-driven ADHD. Keep doing what you’re doing…for yourself. If you’re putting out a quality product and you’re proud of it, the hell with other people’s opinions. Take solace in knowing you’re doing right by you, and that’s really all that counts.


Thanks @anon40540444 good perspective. I couldn’t stop writing songs if I tried, it’s so much a part of my natural life. What feels most right to me. It would just be nice to be recognized and appreciated once in awhile

And yes, like yourself I do get angry with people when they just brush it off. I expect that of 14 year olds listening on YouTube, but not from my own friends and family


Bingo. People can be really callous. Sometimes it has to be pointed out to them. Maybe they’re not callous, but just don’t realize how poorly their social skills suck. Some people you can tap on the shoulder to get their attention. Others have to be hit with a sledgehammer. Regardless, I encourage you to keep at it. Don’t let the ba$tards get you down. :smiley:


Thanks @anon40540444. That’s what I needed to hear :+1:


I get it. I really do. I like to write, and I am lucky if I post a story and even get one comment saying “nice story.” But here’s the thing. You can’t force someone to engage with your work. A person can’t choose to identify with the things you create. It either happens organically, or it doesn’t happen at all. If you make people feel obligated to respond positively to your creations, you will start to alienate people from your work. So try to just enjoy the rare paragraph, knowing it is truly genuine. You don’t want hundreds of fake comments of praise, because then you will never know when the praise is sincere.

Look up coping skills for rejection sensitive dysphoria. I’m not saying that is what you have, and I’m not necessarily saying that is what I have. But there are a lot of coping skills that can help us as artists to deal with pouring our heart and soul into something and then feeling like it was cast aside thoughtlessly.

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I dont search praise least of all in real life I defy people. If a drug blocks serotonin it could do things along those lines. I’m happy with this situation. I’ll take it.

I will also say that, out of all the forms of creativity on this forum, songs get the least attention in general. This isn’t because people hate music, but because people are frequently on the forum in bed next to partners, or on the bus, or in public areas where they can’t play audio. So they see the song, but then forget to go back and listen to it.

Creators who have the best luck are ones who post each song as a separate creativity topic with “song” in the title, because some folks watch out specifically for new songs in the creativity section. It also helps to respond to each comment someone makes on your song after about an hour or two, because then it bumps your song back up to the top of the topics list.

And don’t try to pressure people into sharing more than they originally did. For example, if someone replies “Good song!” the best response is “Thanks!” If you reply “What part was your favorite?” then people will feel anxiety over responding, and will be less likely to comment on your songs in the future.

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Sometimes with music, when you push it to people, they regard it as spam…

They want to discover music, not forced…

Also people dont really like it when the artist promote their music personally… that’s why they pay DJs and TVs

@Ninjastar what you’re saying is completely valid. That’s why I asked, am I simply seeking praise from outside sources, something that I have absolutely no control over.

I am reading a book written by one of the Greek stoic philosophers in the first century, Epictetus. Again and a gain, he points out the importance of not relying on outside sources for your own happiness. These are beyond our influence, and only the choice to be genuine in oneself can bring happiness

I have never pushed anyone for comment, I simply share it. Even though I may be vexed by it at times, I never voice that to people. This Thread is the exception, I’m just looking for guidance

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It is a tricky balance. We can’t control the behavior of others. We can only control our own behavior. But we also need some kind of social support because humans developed as social creatures. We need love and support to thrive, and it is horrible to tell a person without those things that they just need to stop missing them. We evolved to need those things. A lack of love and support causes the brain to grow in a different way, and can cause all kinds of problems with the production of hormones/neurotransmitters, the ability to make and store memories, the ability to learn patterns, etc. Physical skin-to-skin contact is so important to our development that babies born in the NICU have scheduled times and special protocols for being held/touched. Otherwise, they develop all kinds of developmental disabilities.

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I have considered that at times before. As I have told the story to my therapist, my mother never hugged me until I was 25 years old. The only reason she did then, it seems is that my girlfriend at the time, Michelle was big on hugs and she thought it impolite not to hug me in front of her

She was very dismissive of my attempts to express myself. I have no doubt that was the beginning of all of this. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mom and she was an amazing woman. But there are a few scars left over from growing up

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Yeah, I get that. I love my mom, too, but it definitely took quite a bit of therapy to recover from some of the things she did.

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@Ninjastar I can relate completely

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I come from a long line of teen pregnancies. So my mom learned about parenting as a child from someone who also learned about parenting as a child. So did my dad. They definitely loved us and definitely did the best they could with the resources they had. But teenagers do not make good parents as a rule, because they still need to learn a lot about living.

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Mom didn’t have me until she was 37 I think. There are six of us, four girls and two boys, of which I am the youngest.

My Dad left Mom for another woman when I was eight years old. She was left holding the bag, raising six kids on her own with absolutely no help from him whatsoever.

Whenever someone asks and I tell them that I was the youngest, they always jump to the conclusion that the baby of the family gets treated special. Spoiler alert: the reality is, that ■■■■ rolls downhill LOL

In my case, my younger siblings got more spoiled, right up until my dad died. Then they got me as a parent, thus continuing the tradition of children raising children. After they grew up, I stayed child free until 30 because I just needed that much time to revisit my youth and everything I missed out on.

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Yeah, I understand my husband is completely rubbish at that kind of thing I think he blames himself been like he is and doesn’t try ever and I keep creating and it’s hard
In the kitchen songs at poems nothing no no input

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