Schizophrenia.com

Impostor syndrome

This is something I’ve dealt with a bit. Didn’t know what it was until a friend started talking about how she dealt with it. Haven’t heard it mentioned on the site here, wondering if you all have encountered this.

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I think its a product of too much thinking and not enough doing. Expectations and fear build up and override the sense of capability.

The academic aspirations thread got me thinking about how I used to feel back in college.

Eventually my drug habits made me feel entirely unfit and incapable of academic success.

I probably have a mild case of this but if I listed every syndrome I think I have it’d take days so try to avoid thinking about it. Good you’re thinking about that issue though. I would think imposter syndrome would be the opposite…giving yourself too much credit. One of the reasons I broke up with that girl…she thought she was more accomplished than she is.

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Interesting. That’s pretty particular, but totally your call.

It’s not quite impostor syndrome for me. It’s more like I don’t know how to handle success. It’s weird. Maybe just defeatism in general. Haven’t dealt with it in years, but had a vague feeling for 5 minutes, bad nostalgia around the topic.

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Pretty sure without cigs and pot in my lifestyle academic success would be a breeze. Nothing dragging me out of the class room, or back home(and keeping me there). I don’t even play video games any more.

Community college was awesome for me last semester. I started off slow but it got real easy at the end of the semester. It’s cheap and I learned as much in my psychology class as any class in the private catholic school I used to attend

Yeah. There is a community college with quite a few campuses in my state. 68$ a credit hour.

I’d have to commute to go to school. I forget where the nearest campus is but I think that’s what I’m going to look into. If get an associates in something which transfers credit, that’ll reopen the door for 4 year university. I’ve got a lot of college credits, but my GPA is whack.

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That’s what I’m trying to do. I had like a 2.4 at my 4 year school

Man that whole ordeal was a waste. I learned more about the topics in my free time.

A food Calorie is actually a thousand metric calories. A calorie is the amount of energy required to heat a cubic centimeter of water by one degree celsius.

The human body uses ridiculous amounts of energy. On average humans consume enough chemical energy to heat a ml of water in there body to 2 million degrees celsius. Of course there are inefficiencies involved.

One of my professors did have funny moment. “THERE IS ENOUGH ENERGY IN THIS CHEESEBURGER TO LIFT ME HIGH UP INTO THE ATMOSPHERE.”

Wait I have the impostor syndrome

I am being serious

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Well you do well. I even think when it’s handled right it can make one even more driven, as you constantly undermine the relevance of your past achievements and are forced to seek out new ones.

For now I’ve basically beaten my psychosis and I just quit smoking. Those two things are going to have a profound effect on my life experience. There aren’t many things more difficult than those two things.

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This should be simple. I’ve already done all the math and basically everything else. Humanities and electives might be a good opportunity to meet some random people.

I’m going to community college in Fall 2016. I’m rather nervous about the crowds of people, and public speaking. these fears kind of blew out of proportion since I got this illness. Did you have trouble with these?

Very common among the post-doctoral set despite all the peer-reviewed agreements that their papers were telling the truth, the laying on of degrees and letters after names. Looks to me like it’s correlated strongly to socialization to the standard “consensus trance” notions that one should “not get too big for his britches” and all that normalized – and hence, unconscious / taken for granted / unobserved, structuralist tommyrot.

See http://www.smccd.edu/accounts/larson/psyc390/Docs/Consensus%20Trance.pdf

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My teacher liked me a lot for some reason. It was a psychology course and one time he asked what an SSRI was and I raised my hand and said “SELECTIVE SEROTONIN REUPTAKE INHIBITOR”…and then I asked a question about Bi-Polar. He could tell I was mentally ill and I sense he could sense that it was my first class back and I had been through a lot and doing better now. I think he respected that. I was nervous at first but then you start to settle in and you learn a lot. At the end I was raising my hand to every question. At the beginning I was kind of lost. Just stay strong and you get used to things. Community colleges are usually very diverse which I like, people are there to learn just remember that.

I swing a lot from that to narcissism. Probably where the schizoaffective disorder comes into play with me. Somewhere there’s the real me in the middle.

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So typical among the “borderline-organized” (see http://communitycounselingservices.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=584) between the neurotic and psychotic levels of compromised reality testing that the swing from learned helplessness to a righteous narcissistic defense has been considered a behavioral hallmark of at least semi-psychosis since Freud’s day.

And all the meds really do for most who take them is pull the sz pt up from total psychosis into the borderline range.

Sometimes when people are interested in me, or call me a kind person, i feel like an ■■■■■■■ fraud.

My therapists have told me they care about me, and both times the first thing that came to mind was “How on earth did I trick someone into caring about me”…

Oh, do I hear you. For me, it’s always, How long until they figure it out? I have no idea what “it” is, just whatever thing it is in me that makes me ultimately unlovable.

It’s all garbage - of course your therapists care about you, you’re smart and funny and kind. And despite whatever “it” there is in me, I’ve found plenty of people who were able to love me.

It’d be good if you were able to get some idea about why you feel that way - my mom became too sick to care for me shortly after I was born, and this was reinforced by my stepmother pressuring my father to cut ties with his first family as I got older. It won’t stop you from feeling this way, but it will let you say, when it happens, “I feel this way. I feel this way because of this and this, and not because of anything I’m doing or anything that’s happening now.” And then you can let that feeling blow through you and out again.

Thanks rhubot, you’re great.

I can’t put a finger on what “it” is, but when “it” is found out, I know people will leave me.

In high school I lost about 90% of my friends and had a shaming loner phase. This was because I was undiagnosed and untreated. The loner word became a part of my identity to where I was afraid people would get close to me then see that. It still happens.

That’s a good idea there, and that’s what my therapist tells me… find out why the thing is happening then let it do whatever and pass. Just don’t back out of situations involving people.

PS: im lovin the cat