Schizophrenia.com

I'm tempted to not be nice


#1

My youngest brother has been in rehab the past 13 days. He’s been an angry jerk to our sis who has stood by him and stood up for him all this time. He’s refused to see her, phoned her and cussed her out, blamed her for his problems, and ignored her when she’s tried to communicate with him.

My sis babysits for a family here in the apartment building and they needed an midnight favor. Relative with a heart attack, could she watch the baby. She worked a huge shift yesterday, and now been up all night with a baby, just got in and went to bed. She’s due at work in about four hours.

So NOW my little brother calls and wants to see her. He turned the corner and feels bad and wants to see her after work. Got a little mad at me that I didn’t wake her up to talk to him. I am almost thinking of not telling her he called. I sort of don’t want her to see him. I want the shoe to be on the other foot. I’m not sure that’s the most constructive thing to do…

Logically I should just tell her he called and let her decided to see him or not. But I know she most likely will. I wonder if there is away I could talk her out of it… let him stew. Not nice I know.


#2

Being an addict makes you extremely self absorbed in my opinion. So even though he wants to talk to her he is still putting his want to see her above what she needs which is sleep. I would say good for you for not waking her up although I think you will need to tell her about the phone call. Perhaps ask her to take one of your parents with her if/when she does go see him so that she isn’t in a position to deal with him alone.


#3

Thank you… That is a lovely idea. He’ll hopefully be less likely to unleash on her if Mom or Dad are there. If I go, I have a feeling that I’ll just get my nose out of joint and things will get complicated quickly. I still haven’t quite gotten over my anger at him for hitting her in the face.

Gandhi said, “an eye for an eye makes very one blind”

I feel guilty for wanting a touch of revenge about this. It won’t do anything but make him more resentful, but I would love to see the look on his face if I said, “You blew it, and she can’t see you.” Not nice at all… I’ll just picture it and smile but try not to act on it. I know first hand your right… he wouldn’t be able to deal with that logically right now. He’s probably thinking he’s doing better by trying to reach her.


#4

I agree with what Barbie said. I think she has a great idea that if she wants to go meet with him someone else should be with her. . I can understand how you feel though. Honestly i don’t think my family would react as nice as yours if my brother beat up a 17 year old girl. He really doesn’t deserved to be seen at all right now. Its a tough situation.


#5

In 1974, I came into AA. They told me to pray for my enemies. I said I didn’t have any enemies. They said, “Then, who are you angry with?” Oh, God, I had some anger!

So, to relieve the knife that I was turning in my own stomach, I prayed for those who I hated. Things got better for me when I did that.

Jayster


#6

Mom is a little more stern. I could see her saying he needed to stew… but our Dad is a huge softy. Mom said she was attracted to him because he was the nicest man she ever met. He is a really nice person. I’m beginning to think I’m more like our Mom and my Sis is more like our Dad.


#7

I think honestly you would be doing your brother a favor to let him stew and let him think you want nothing to do with him. don’t let him think he can get away with it!!! But i know that you probably would do that but your sister won’t. And it’s easier for me to say since it’s not me.


#8

I like that advice. I’m going to try and use this idea. I have to get over this somehow. Thank you for this.


#9

I would just let him marinade in his ■■■■ stew for a while out of protection for a loved one. Then after a while tell her the truth, he wanted to see you, but he was a jerk, deserved some thinking time, and I gave it to him. Then she can go and if it was me I wouldn’t be effected if she got upset for keeping that from her, as it was all in good intentions. Bringing a parent; good idea